maanantai 25. maaliskuuta 2013

REVIEW - The Incredible Hulk | GBA | 2003

GENRE(S): Action
RELEASED: May 27, 2003
DEVELOPER(S): Pocket Studios
PUBLISHER(S): Universal Interactive, Vivendi Universal Games

Ang Lee's film adaptation of Hulk's origin was released in the summer of 2003 to decent reviews. About a month prior, a video game tie-in had been released to much worse response on the PlayStation 2, GameCube, Xbox and PC. However, it was the game based on the movie that made some sort of mark upon landing - while a Game Boy Advance exclusive called The Incredible Hulk, released around the same time, was completely forgotten. As the Grumpy Cat would put it: "GOOD."

It's big, green and mean - it's Major Mucus

Dr. Bruce Banner is at a desert facility overseeing the test detonation of his latest invention, a gamma bomb. An outsider somehow gets through to the test area, and Banner rushes in to rescue him before the bomb detonates. Further casualties are avoided, but the good doctor himself mutates into a raging monster with the primitive urge to destroy.

Let's get straight to business. The Incredible Hulk is an isometric action game. Surprised? Raise your hands. One, one and a half... none. OK, good. I've played many licensed games of this sort on the Game Boy Advance, so the only question once again remains if it's any good like 007: Everything or Nothing and even Fantastic 4 to some extent, or if it falls into the same category of a dumb, repetitive, glitchy, useless capitalistic fuckfest as Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, Star Wars: Jedi Power Battles, and Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines. Since I went to such lengths to come up with examples from the later category, there should be no questions left.

Oooohhh yeahhh, a SUPER SMASH! ...Not
so impressive when it's the third one in
ten seconds.
The Incredible Hulk starts off with some promise. It's based on the old comic books rather than the movie, and the opening cutscenes capture what I perceive as the true spirit of Hulk - like I said before, I'm not a fan. Then the game begins. It looks dull, it feels even duller. You'll learn Hulk's whole damn moveset in ten seconds. You're supposed to make your way through 33 long, confusing, repetitive maps and demolish everything in sight - that's the good part! - and punch the living shit out of enemy soldiers that respawn and multiply by whole tens by the second. I've played boring games, you'd think I'm used to this sort of pointless drivel. Yeah, kinda. But then the game goes on to show exactly how cheap it is.

Programming errors, all over the place. It's like there are two screens - one's the real one, one's the screen you're staring at. You might be able to smash a generator to bits from several in-game meters away, but punch all you want when you're actually AT the generator, and you won't make a dent on it. Enemies pop up from out of the purest blue, it's like they're silently teleporting in from Dimension X. They might even suddenly appear in groups of ten, with a few gun turrets to boot, and not only does this spell doom for you if you don't have any area attacks left, it summons a GIANT lag which will make the situation outright impossible to survive. Although it's generally quite hard to die in this game, in these situations it's extremely easy. And probable. And once you do die, it's back to the beginning of the level. Not fun.

I'll leave out any extensive trash talk about soda cans and hamburgers for power-ups, 'cause I just want this short relationship with the game to end right now. Stay away from this plague-ridden piece of snot that time fortunately forgot.

+ It looks the part, for a while
+ You can break and/or use just about everything in sight - if you can hit it, that is

- Hamburgers? Onion rings? Soda? Really?
- Severe errors in programming
- Way too long, confusing and repetitive

< 3.5 >

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