REVIEW - The Punisher | GEN | 1994

GENRE(S): Beat 'em up
RELEASED: 1993 (ARC)
AVAILABLE ON: ARC, GEN
DEVELOPER(S): Capcom, Sculptured Software (GEN)
PUBLISHER(S): Capcom

One of the first games in Capcom's long and successful line of Marvel comic book adaptations was another game simply called The Punisher. Unlike the DOS game which was a mess of an action-adventure game and the NES game which was a rail shooter, The Punisher was designed in the vein of Capcom's very own Final Fight. The original arcade game was praised by critics as one of the best comic book licenses of the time, however the Sega Genesis port was shunned, mostly due to its highly inferior audiovisuals and international censorship issues. Let's take a look; it's the last one on the list before the few Marvel ensemble games I've got lined up, so let's hope that there's at least something to it.

Frank 'n Fury

Frank teams up with S.H.I.E.L.D.'s Nick Fury to take down mafia enforcer Bruno Costa, who turns out to be Wilson Fisk's right-hand man. Two flies, two guys, so let's go kill us some scum,

You know, I often talk side-scrolling beat 'em ups down, but I at least try to bring up their best qualities as well. In non-money-related reality, they can be really entertaining, they're so simple and casual. The worst thing with these games is that they're usually copies of each other; back in the time, you could buy a whole bulk of these games and the next one was always worse than the last in your head. You might've even considered Batman Returns and Maximum Carnage on the SNES awful wastes of time and money, just because you had owned a copy of Final Fight or TMNT IV since day one, and before that, a copy of TMNT II. Thus, you had paid full prices for a few identical copies of those age-old favourites. Nothing changed with these games except the coating, especially when it came to licensed games. No matter who the developers were, they were ultimately counting on the license to sell itself. And it did. We've got to remember one thing, though. Most of these games were made by Capcom and Konami, two of the best in the field of video games in general. (Please, let's not go into who unleashed Maximum Carnage.)

Take that, pool boy!

Konami's Batman Returns on the SNES was one of the best Final Fight clones ever made, mildly ruined by a forceful surge of something it was not, and never meant to be. Capcom's greatest challenge with The Punisher was the license they had on their hands itself. Since The Punisher's all about guns and killing, you can't immediately imagine Frank beating up guys left and right on the streets of New York. That is exactly why there's a lot more to it, and there's a feeling Capcom might've tried to make the game something it's not just like Konami did. It's not a conventional beat 'em up, that's for sure, but Capcom modified their own concept like champs here and managed to make a game with nothing to actually throw you off the ball like Batman Returns had, in the slightest. The Punisher is a very good, even unique game in its genre, and behind the curtain, it is very faithful to its cause. You haven't the need to play the arcade game to see the flaws here, though.

So, I've no experience of the arcade game. I browsed through a few screenshots and watched a video or two to cup a feel of the game, though, and sure, it was a pretty damn good-looking game in its time. When an arcade beat 'em up was ported to a 16-bit console, the graphical compromises were very often minimal, but The Punisher was obviously a disappointment. It's much less detailed, very little can happen on the screen at a time in comparison (to merely allow a co-op game at this capacity, I guess), and the censorship's a real drag. The violence that is an obvious part, if not a calling card of the Punisher franchise is downplayed and not just by the total absence of blood - there's some orange goo that looks like mucus in its stead - but by the non-existent division between a victim of a shooting and a well-placed kick to the head, and totally needless, "family-friendly" modifications to some cutscenes which were apparently much closer to home in the original arcade title.

You can choose between The Punisher and Nick Fury, but the difference between them is purely cosmetic unlike in Final Fight where you had two (or three) completely different characters to suit different needs and playing styles. You attack with A, jump with B, and that's essentially it - A+B once again triggers a powerful special move which drains your own health, and then there's a very limited stock of kill 'em all items in your inventory for a last resort, just like in Batman Returns. The main draw of the game is the huge amount of different weapons, both melee and ranged - combat knives, baseball bats, different guns, a flamethrower and a ridiculously huge battleaxe straight from the medieval times, just to name a few favourites to dish out some (unfortunately blood-less) punishment. Using these weapons to your advantage doesn't take anything away from the game unlike the grappling sequences in Batman Returns; they're added in for the exact same, apparent reason, to establish a more exciting game more faithful to the cause, only this solution works. It's smooth, it's fun, it's high-impact, it's tense. I like it.

It's obvious the developers never served... hold
an assault rifle like that and see what happens
when you fire. At the docks, by the way.

The Punisher is punishing in its difficulty from time to time. Some enemies, you just can't find their number, a fight with them is impossible to survive unscathed especially if there's another enemy involved. You have no means to defend yourself, if you don't happen to be in luck and stumble onto a useful power-up at the exact right time several times in a row, or a weapon the enemy has no chance against, such as the flamethrower. Although it's easy to get lost in a mashfest in these games, it would still be nice to have the mere knowledge of a block button's existence. There's a dodge manouver, but it's not too easy to manage.

The Punisher's another clone, but it's a good one. You thought I'd bash it, I sure as hell believed I'd be in for another total mess, but probably since I've never experienced the arcade game, I was actually in for one of the most entertaining games I've played in this context in a long time - I almost feel sad that it's the last one. Wait... no, I don't. Anyway, thank you all for bearing with me on this Marvel marathon. It's been a long year and a half. A few Marvel ensemble games later, I'll be doing a short summary of the whole wretched thing, and we're finally off to a new path. I hope the short chapter with the ensemble games leaves me with a similar aftertaste as this game, so that it would all end on a moderately high note.

UPS
+ Smooth mixture of melee and ranged action makes for a somewhat different beat 'em up...
+ ...Without anything that would not belong, or anything that would take away from the action
+ Still good graphics, no matter how downgraded...

DOWNS
- ...It's the lessened interaction and the censorship that bother me
- The differences between the two playable characters are purely cosmetic
- Suffers some huge, occasional spikes in difficulty throughout
- The usual: we've seen most of it before, and you just can't beat the classics

< 8.0 >

REVIEW - X-Men 2: Clone Wars | GEN | 1995

GENRE(S): Action / Platformer
RELEASED: 1995
AVAILABLE ON: GEN
DEVELOPER(S): HeadGames
PUBLISHER(S): Sega

In early 1995, Sega published their second exclusive X-Men game for the Sega Genesis. X-Men 2: Clone Wars, it was called, and it was received fairly well - best out of all 16-bit X-Men games that had come out thus far, in fact. Just like its predecessor, the game was a very simple, arcade-style action platformer that was perhaps gratuitously faithful to the diversity of the source material, when it came to having several characters that genuinely differed from each other in gameplay. However, absolutely everything else about the game apart from the solid cast was incomplete, and X-Men 2 ended up an even less memorable game than its predecessor in my books. Not total dung, but nothing to celebrate about either. Non-surprisingly, the biggest fault here is boring and repetitive level design. The playable characters' simple lack of aptitude follows up as a good number two.

Damn those clones

The tech-organic alien species known as the Phalanx has returned for another attempt at conquering Earth by manipulating their very own mutant forces. Several mutants have been captured and cloned for an army. Beast, Psylocke, Gambit, Nightcrawler, Cyclops and Wolverine, all of whom have thus far managed to evade capture, join forces with the unlikeliest of allies - Magneto himself - to drive them aliens back to the verges where they came from.

Can't see shit.

Let me start off by stating the obvious: I've played a lot of X-Men games lately, and even more games based on Marvel Comics. Genesis games in particular demand high concentration on details from me, and a lot of background research, 'cause almost every game I play on the Genesis nowadays besides some best-selling classics such as Sonic the Hedgehog and the earliest Genesis titles is a completely new experience to me. Might even be a whole new acquaintance. I was a Nintendo kid, and I didn't even know what was going on in the other 16-bit camp until my favourite magazine finally gave up to popular demand and started doing stuff on something else besides Nintendo back in 1995.

Most of the games I've played thus far have been games I'll never even think to return to again; just some odd Spider-Man games here and there. The X-Men franchise in particular has been a huge disappointment for me, 'cause it's got so much potential and without exceptions, the potential has been laid to waste as the developers have truly invested in some odd element of the game that will surely please a lot of people, but they've forgotten everything else that would please a whole lot of more people. So, I was doing background research on X-Men 2: Clone Wars before putting it to the grand test. Based on a pitiful total of two reviews, the game stands at a sharp 70 on GameRankings; that really isn't too bad by the usual retro standard of GameRankings. The game held fairly good averages on both MobyGames and GameFAQs, and the general "reception" part on Wikipedia told me that the game has even been called one of the greatest Genesis games ever made. Of course I was psyched up; every bit of prejudice I might've had, dropped out one by one at each word I read. I poured myself a long, cold drink, and was fully prepared to finally break this franchise, and this whole marathon, above the usual crappy average.

Now, as I said, I've played a lot of bad games during the last year, but you could say that after all that hype, X-Men 2: Clone Wars is one of the biggest disappointments I've had to deal with. It's superficially fancy, it has a good cast of characters (on paper) and a good story that will surely pique the curiosity of comic book fans, but that's where the fun ends - when we start going into the practical things, such as gameplay and level design. I'm hoping this pattern will break sooner rather than later, but it certainly does not happen here, and I sincerely do not see what's so great about this game, or even essentially new compared to its predecessor. To me, it's the same old, in a slightly more beautiful wrapping. Maybe that's what mattered. Don't know.

The level and enemy design take the usual easy ways out, but in turn, the playable characters are extremely well detailed. The environmental effects such as the initially prominent snowfall are quite neat, as well. The music is of the typical, unimaginative and repetitive fare, not much to say about it.

Whoa. Ass.

The game plays out almost exactly like the previous Genesis title, only there are more playable characters and their abilities are a whole lot more diverse, to the point that some of them are sure winners, while some are completely useless. For example, Cyclops and Gambit are excellent characters to use due to their ranged attacks, and not only is Nightcrawler faster than everyone else, he can climb walls - once again, his teleportation ability doesn't have much sensical use at all, it's used for a strange sort of offense rather than actual teleportation. Sadly, my favourite X-Men - Wolverine and Beast - get the short end of the stick here. Beast's special move is a slow and heavy ground pound attack that has no use at all against the fast and well-ranged enemies, and the range of Wolverine's attacks is pathetic. This leaves Psylocke, who I've always perceived as an oddball character, perhaps due to her absence from the X-Men media most familiar to me.

The even initially uninteresting levels are extremely lengthy and your life bar extremely small. Even Wolverine's regeneration ability works up to three ticks of health. Enemies can pop up from the purest blue even in what's supposed to be a "tutorial level"; the title screen doesn't even show until you've finished the first level, and even accomplishing that much might seem impossible at first. There are no checkpoints, and no save system of any kind. There's no solid reason for me to blurt out my honest opinion, you can pretty much imagine it.

UPS
+ Good story
+ Nice graphics

DOWNS
- Boring gameplay and level design
- Too little health for levels this long
- Too many practically useless characters
- Not even a password system

< 5.8 >

REVIEW - X-Men | GEN | 1993

GENRE(S): Action / Platformer
RELEASED: 1993
AVAILABLE ON: GEN
DEVELOPER(S): Western Technologies
PUBLISHER(S): Sega

X-Men for the Sega Genesis was chronologically the first X-Men console game LJN had absolutely nothing to do with, not by a long shot. This, as well as positive reception from many retro critics immediately breaks some barriers between me and the game, and so I am finally ready to continue on with the Marvel marathon, with expectations of some decent 16-bit action. However, just recently I watched the game being included in AVGN's X-Men montage, in which he clamped the game together with The Uncanny X-Men and Wolverine on the NES. Looks good, looks bad, looks good again. Which is it? Let's find out.

Relax, it's just a simulation

Bad ass.

Magneto uses a satellite to upload a virus to the main computer of Professor X's training facility, which results in a very bad day for Wolverine, Cyclops, Gambit and Nightcrawler. The four mutants must make their way through randomly loaded, exceptionally dangerous simulations of their past adventures and neutralize the virus.

So as I said, I recently watched AVGN's trip through some hand-picked X-Men games from yesteryear, as it was one of the AVGN videos I missed when it came out and I thought I'd watch it for inspiration to continue on with the Marvel marathon. The Marvel marathon has been going on for more than a year now, with varying speed and consistency, and let's face it, most of the games I've played have sucked, royally. There have been these small glints of hope here and there, as in a few truly good Spider-Man games, but not much else. I know I'm in for more good games, but the X-Men franchise in particular has been a buzzkiller, as proven by The Uncanny X-Men being "crowned" the worst game I've ever played. AVGN does not review games lightly - if he sees it worthy to "highlight" a game, that usually means something. So, X-Men does not promise much, but I must review it to carry on. So, how is it? Well, it's not good. But in a bit of good news, it's not totally hopeless. It's a game I even might've enjoyed when I was a kid - if I was an X-Men fan back then to begin with, I mean.

Storm's-a-comin'.

I've grown accustomed to graphics and sound usually being extremely close to each other. If a game looks good, it usually sounds good, and vice versa. Here, that rule does not apply. The game looks pretty good with its very detailed sprites - of just the right size - and nice effects. The level design is quite boring, not to mention confusing - I've also grown accustomed to the trend that Marvel games have either horrible controls or lackluster level design, or both. Luckily this game suffers only from one of these problems, which makes it more playable than most Marvel games of the era. That, and the fact that it was made by and for someone else than you know who. So, while I don't have much complaints about the game's look, I have to say I can't stand the sound. The music's stock and sometimes really high pitched, badly sequenced drivel, and the sudden sound effects are pure slaughter. I usually mute the monitor whenever there's a really hard platforming part - it usually helps me to get through it a lot quicker.

So, this incarnation of X-Men lets you choose between four characters: Wolverine, Cyclops, Nightcrawler and Gambit. Whenever one character gets it, you go back to the beginning of the level - regardless how far along the level you are - and get to choose another one, and another one, until they are all gone, which means game over. No passwords. This is one of those games. Not to worry, though. The game isn't too hard; it's just very, very boring. The levels are just paste upon paste, and whenever you're taken back to the character select screen, you have to wait for something like 30 seconds for the level to load. You're free to move in the training room while the level loads, which leaves you kinda aped about what's happening, if you've just started to play the game. Must you do something, are you missing something, is that it? No. Just wait.

Nope, can't do shit to Incan architecture.

You can also switch characters on the go at any time, which doesn't really have much purpose besides the fact that you get full meters (Health and Power) this way - it might help out if you're having a hard time. If Wolverine's claws are out, his Power meter drains all the time, while everyone else's meter is tied to how much they use their abilities. Everyone also has a special attack that drains a bulk of the meter at a time. No one's really better or worse than the other here, both Nightcrawler's character and ability are just a tad hard to learn to control. In addition, you can summon four other X-Men (Iceman, Rogue, Storm, Arch-Angel) once per level. While all the others are designed to kill all enemies on screen and do heavy damage to bosses, Iceman makes bridges in mid-air.

The game is a simple action-platformer with mild puzzle elements. It's not exceptional in its general nuisance, and though it's far from a thoroughly entertaining game, it's playable. This far into the marathon, there's really not much to say about it besides simply telling what it's basically like, and what sucks about it, and while there are plenty of small things that do suck about it, it's the ultra-boring level design that really gets shoved in your face. And the sound. After all the crap I've endured so far, what I just said is letting the game go easy. It's worth a try, really. That's more than I can say about any X-Men game I've reviewed so far.

UPS
+ Looks pretty good
+ Feels pretty good, from a comic book fan's perspective
+ Decent controls

DOWNS
- Lethally boring level design
- The waiting around part in each beginning, after each death and between levels
- Music and sound effects

< 6.5 >

REVIEW - Spider-Man | GEN | 1991

GENRE(S): Action
RELEASED: 1990 (SMS)
AVAILABLE ON: GEN, GG, SMS
DEVELOPER(S): Sega, Technopop (GEN)
PUBLISHER(S): Sega

The first 16-bit Spider-Man game was released in 1991 on Sega Genesis, and instead of a completely new game, it was a port of a fairly successful Master System game, released a year earlier. This game is most commonly known as Spider-Man vs. The Kingpin, but officially it's known as just Spider-Man. The Genesis port, in particular, is historical for being one of the best-selling games based on Marvel Comics, and naturally, a title which went on to influence the development of a whole array of 16-bit Marvel games. We're talking about best selling, and influencing the development - not necessarily a very good or influential game in itself. This one's still quite popular in retro circles, but what I see is a frustrating, uncomfortable drivel with boring level design; quite entertaining after what I've just been through by the strength of three bad games, but a very disappointing start to Spidey's 16-bit career.

Caught in a web

"Honest businessman" Wilson Fisk, a.k.a. The Kingpin, has gathered around a whole group of Spider-Man's arch enemies - Doctor Octopus, Electro, The Lizard, The Sandman, The Hobgoblin, and last but not least, Venom - planted a bomb somewhere in New York City, and laid the blame on our friendly neighbourhood hero. Spider-Man must evade the police as well as his boss, clear his name and bring these foes to justice.

I don't give a fuck 'bout no laws of gravity.

The idea of a Marvel marathon first came to me as early as summer of 2010, when I first started doing the blog and wrote the first Batman marathon - which actually wasn't supposed to be a marathon at first, I had only done Batman: Arkham Asylum. A friend who I first got acquainted with around 2008 read the review and then I told him I was going to do some Batman retro reviews to go with it once I figured out what to do with the reviews I had written up 'til that point. He told me that he was always more of a Spider-Man fan and asked me to do a review of the first Spider-Man game on the Sega Genesis - he had it when he was a kid, and was kinda shocked I didn't know that much about Sega Genesis, or the game called Spider-Man. He told me it was a classic, and judging by his description of the game and its gallery of rogues, I was kinda intrigued. However, I told him that if I ever did a Spider-Man marathon, I'd have no choice but to take on the rest of the Marvel roster as well - after all, Marvel was always an interesting subject as a whole while DC Comics only had Batman, who alone outshined Marvel Comics. Well, I'm done with Batman for now, and well on my way with the Marvel marathon I envisioned back then, now it's time to take on this old favourite of a friend, as a kind of a favour to him... if you can count this review as such, 'cause the game hasn't aged too well. In fact, I think it never was too special. Unlike this friend of mine (born in '89), I was very much around when the game came out - playing the 8-bit Batman game and enjoying the hell out of it, something I still do. This 16-bit Spider-Man game has nothing on it, despite some good grounds.

The level design, backgrounds included, is extremely generic and boring, character design is of much better quality - despite of very few different enemies. The game was praised for its graphics back in the day, which I have to question because yes, while I think the boss sprites are very faithful to their comic book counterparts and Spider-Man's movement is artificially swift and smooth, there's really nothing much else to cheer about. The game looks really bland and I honestly think better looking Genesis games were released back in the 80's. The music's some generic ambient jive, not really loud enough to get on your nerves though.

The level design is truly the most enfuriating flaw there is to Spider-Man. The levels are basically cubic mazes with no clear indication of which direction to go, and when you finally figure it out, you're probably dying due to a thug with infinite ammo waiting around each corner and there are at least two bosses in each level to take care of. Top it all off with the absolute minimum of extra health to collect, and NO additional checkpoints to the start of the level. That's right, even if you get capped by the second boss, you'll have to do the whole level again - the whole boring level. Oh yeah, and since I didn't mention it yet, there are instances where you MUST take damage to be able to proceed. Oh yeah, and if you want a hint of what the enemy A.I.'s like, check out my review of RoboCop 3 for the SNES; actually, it's exactly the same! They just shoot, shoot, shoot. Duck, and they won't be able to hit you - they just keep shooting forward. Actually, the levels are also extremely similar to those in RoboCop 3... hmmm...

Not much health or webbing left. How about I...
DUCK? Ha-ha!!

The control scheme is hit and miss, all the way. I kind of like the jumping and swinging, but climbing anything and attempting to hop off whatever you're climbing is pure hell. Many times there's a thug waiting on top of the wall you're climbing, and since there's no way to climb a corner, and he just keeps shooting forward once you're in his range without the slightest ceasefire, you have no choice but to jump up, hope that you make the jump and even if you make the jump, you'll probably have to eat a bullet or two before you can put the guy down with a web shot - provided you have enough webbing at your disposal. If not, good luck - and good luck with the rest of the level, as well. Like I said, power-ups do not grow on trees in this game.

You can buy more webbing (hmm, interesting...) with money, and to get money, you can use a camera to take pictures of enemies. You can also use a web shield to absorb bullets, and you can also return home to rest at any time to replenish your health. Sounds very dandy, but truth be told, these features are completely useless. OK, maybe you'll get some kicks out of that camera stunt, and certainly more ammo, but there's just no practical use for that shield, and even if resting at home sounds like a good idea, doing it means that you'll have to do the whole level all over again.

Needless to say, Spider-Man is an extremely frustrating game - not totally bad, though, and the presentation's quite all right. That's one of the most important basics to take care of when you're making a licensed game, since if at least the presentation's good, kids might dig it. They don't care about the stuff us grown-ups do. We've all been kids...

UPS
+ Good presentation
+ An epic rogues gallery

DOWNS
- On/off controls
- Shitty level design
- Lousy enemy A.I.
- Useless extra items and features

< 6.1 >

REVIEW - Mega Man: The Wily Wars | GEN | 1994

GENRE(S): Action / Platform / Compilation
RELEASED: October 1994
AVAILABLE ON: GEN
DEVELOPER(S): Capcom
PUBLISHER(S): Capcom

Nearly two years ago, the Mega Man franchise was among the first to be dissected on this blog, and as hard as it might be to believe, I only scratched the surface with a total of 11 reviews. Mega Man's been around for 26 years, three years shy of yours truly - and not many of those years have gone by without presenting us at least one title in the main series, or one of the countless spin-offs. Besides the SNES classic Mega Man X - the first one, which I consider to be the best game in the whole franchise - I've never been too keen on the spin-offs, but I signed my death warrant when I started doing this blog. I know I have to take a look at those some day soon, but luckily, I can start things off in a familiar setting - an obscure game, a cult classic that gave new life to the three games that in turn gave life to this popular series. Following the success of an edition of Street Fighter II on the Sega Genesis, rumors of a non-Nintendo Mega Man game began circulating in the media. As ludicrous as it seemed, especially since Capcom was working on Mega Man X2 for the SNES at the time, and another game which turned out to be Mega Man 7 for the same platform, Mega Man: The Wily Wars for the Mega Drive/Genesis hit the Japanese shelves in late 1994. An outsourced 16-bit remake of the kind of obscure first game, AND the two games that all but made the series what it is today, all in one, topped with its own story and extra levels? Time to whip out the arm cannon.

Blue Bomber: Origins

Whoa.

Figuring out the long-researched mysteries of time travel, Dr. Wily gathers a group of his earlier creations and forces the newly-created Mega Man to try his luck against all of them at once, while cooped up in his tower finishing up work on three of his most powerful battle robots yet.

It's funny how some critics constantly remark the recent wave of HD collections and "Origins" remakes and remasters like it's a whole new thing. Yeah, it's surely become more common in these days, but one shouldn't forget 16-bit remakes of 8-bit games; Super Mario All-Stars is surely the most known and popular one out of the small bulk. If there's one thing that hasn't changed or doesn't ring any less true in the case of remakes, is that they can go both ways. Remakes of classic games can be really good, but they can also have several flaws which might go as far as to actually prompt us to dig up the earlier versions, which still turn out the more enjoyable ones. For a recent example, The Secret of Monkey Island. The 2010 "Special Edition" of the 1990 game looked good, it had voiceover work by the same guys who had worked the series for years since the third installment... but the gameplay was crummy. It had none of that classic feel in it. It's kind of sad that a lot of PC players seemed to play the whole game on Classic Mode, which was the original game, without the voiceover work and fancy graphics which carried the game's whole point. Sad for the people who busted their balls to accomplish this long-anticipated remake. It was good, but it could've been much better. What I'm hearing of the new edition of BioWare's critically acclaimed debut Baldur's Gate, it plays out a lot better than the original. What I'm seeing, is almost the exact same game. That's not the way either. There's actually no rule of how to make a good remake that is satisfying from all possible standpoints. Making one is damn hard these days, and although Super Mario All-Stars was a winner, it wasn't any easier back in the 16-bit era.

Basically, the games are exactly as they were.
The Wily Tower is set to Mega Man 4's user
interface.

From there, I can easily pick an example: Ninja Gaiden Trilogy for the SNES. You'd think that with three such consistent, classic titles, with nothing else essential changed besides graphics and music, and some modifications made to the original Ninja Gaiden III's ridiculous difficulty, you couldn't make a disappointing collection. Well, Ninja Gaiden Trilogy turned out great as far as most of the gameplay was concerned, but firstly, the graphics certainly didn't impress all that much. The game was produced in the twilight of the SNES, and Ninja Gaiden was famous for its cinematics, which everyone expected to go to some whole new places in the 16-bit environment. But no, they were the exact same games with a new palette and smooth edges, stuffed with a cheap-looking, outright ugly main menu to choose your game from. Not much tweaks to the sprites or backgrounds, let alone the physics of the game. That was still quite acceptable in my view, but what ruined the most of the experience was the awfully remixed music - the first 8-bit Ninja Gaiden game had absolutely great music, it was all but botched here with so-called enhancements. I was really itching to get to Act 4-2 and hear the song which pretty much defines the whole series for me kick in and drop me off my seat, but all it did was make me reset and choose another game. Castlevania Chronicles, the remake of the original Castlevania for the PlayStation... no, I won't even begin to recount the ways that piece of crap pissed me off.

Our first encounter with one of the cheesiest
villains in history. There's bound to be a few
more. That's why it's called Wily Wars...?

Well, through all this retrospect of remakes - good and bad, mostly disappointing - we get to Mega Man: The Wily Wars, which includes remakes of Mega Man, Mega Man 2 and Mega Man 3, originally released on the NES, and an exclusive series of levels, which means you're in for the longest Mega Man game ever. It's both a remake, and storywise (HA), a sequel. Whichever you consider it as, the truth is that Mega Man 2 and 3 are some of the most classic 8-bit games in history, some of the most defining titles of the era. The first one was good, but not nearly that good - it was Mega Man 2 that paved the way, both critically and commercially, and became the reason why the Mega Man series still exists today, after all the bumps it's hit along the way. In their darkest hour, when they were just about to fail the series, Capcom financed Mega Man 9 for current-gen consoles - an 8-bit game made according to standards set by Mega Man 2... and thrived. Hell, I'm playing Mega Man 2 on my NES right now, and I haven't had such fun with a Mega Man game since I first beat Mega Man X - and mind you, I've been playing Mega Man 2 for 23 years. Beaten it about a million times, too. All the more reason for me to see how the Genesis remake treats this classic, and another one, as well as a game that never managed to bring me true fulfillment - Ice Man returns...

I never noticed how much that huge... thing...
looks like Elijah Wood.

Being a fan of Mega Man 2 above the other games on this here collection, I started from that one, illogical or not, and I must say that looking at some screenshots before starting up, and watching the opening cutscene made me believe that Capcom had taken the same easy way out as Tecmo did with Ninja Gaiden Trilogy a year later. The general font, even the script being exactly the same as in the 8-bit games, and the city in the background looking really scruffy, I thought this would turn out yet another smoothie, not a real remake. As soon as the game started, I was delighted to see that Capcom instead followed Nintendo's example back when they did Super Mario All-Stars. The backgrounds have had some serious work done, and both Mega Man and the enemy characters don't only look different, they move somewhat different, more fluidly, and all without ruining the atmosphere.

What does ruin the atmosphere, however, is the music. Especially Mega Man 3 is known for its music, and the way-beyond-classic opening track (which now also works as one for the first game, for some reason), as well as the Stage Select theme tell yet another sad story about how game designers seem hell bent on totally rearranging music that should've simply been remastered. The thing that bothers me here the most besides a different sound is most definitely the tempo of the songs. If I had never heard the originals - and I can't imagine someone who hasn't, in some context - I would love all of it, but the notably slower tempo and different arrangements do severe numbers on more classic tunes I can count. We're not quite talking something as horrid as adding xylophones to Ninja Gaiden's 4-2 here, but I can honestly say the 8-bit tunes were a lot better. The original music, which there's a lot of, sucks throughout the line with the exception of just a couple of tunes; there's no Mega Man in it at all, it rather sounds like something from the Capcom jam stock.

OK, a quick explanation. Mega Man: The Wily Wars is, for all intents and purposes, a 3-in-1 (+½) cartridge. The binding plot is amusing rather than distracting, it's the cheesiness of the series as we used to love it before it was taken a bit too far. You can play the games in any order you like, but separately. In other words, you can't go and stuff Atomic Fire from Mega Man 2 up Ice Man's ass in the first game as much as you'd like to. When you've finished all three games within the confines of a single save file, the Wily Tower is unlocked and you can try your luck with a complete weapon and item set of your choice, from any of the three games. It's way more solid than it sounds like.

I hate this room.

The Mega Man series went through minimal changes between 2 and 3, but Mega Man 2 was a notably different game than the first one. Also, the easiest 8-bit Mega Man game there ever was. A lot of folks consider it just as hard as the rest of 'em, which is kinda incredible since both Mega Man and Mega Man 3 are NOTABLY harder games, as well as Mega Man 5 and 6 to some extent. When Mega Man 2 came out in the U.S. and Europe, it struck most as a breeze, considering the unforgiving nature of the first game. It had a password system, a choice of difficulty level (of which Difficult was the standard set by the first one), and it introduced Energy Tanks which restored you to full health at any time and they were easy to find. Most notably, on the Normal difficulty level, you could literally pick a starting point from the most pathetic-sounding boss (Bubble Man.) and continue clockwise until you reached Dr. Wily's keep. The bosses weren't hard at all and it was easy to pick the right weapons against them; you either picked the one you got from the last boss, or kept trying everything 'til you could drain half of the boss' life bar with one shot. Most of the bosses even outright blocked every other weapon but just one. Although most boss rooms were more cleverly designed than the straightforward cubes in the previous game, their attacks were easy to dodge. Seriously, Mega Man 2 was an easy game on the usual scale of Mega Man and the 8-bit in general - which might be a part of the reason people consider it the most comfortable and lasting experience in the series. It WAS an easy game. Mega Man: The Wily Wars keeps traditions pretty much in check when it comes to Mega Man and Mega Man 3, as they were hard to begin with. There are some minor changes to both games - but Mega Man 2 has had a few notable ones made.

Mega Man 3 gave us Rush, one of the greatest
sidekicks ever - and he's going to help you a
LOT in the final stages, and the Wily Tower.

First and foremost, no more Normal difficulty for you. It's the game as the Japanese made it. Enemy placements are quite crazy, there's a bigger number of them, they act differently, and handing it to Bubble Man right from the start and proceeding clockwise is still an option, but not the best one available. Those who beat Mega Man 2 on the NES but never tried Difficult might be in for a fight, and I... I love it! In a way, I prefer this version of Mega Man 2 over the original NES version, and that's a compliment if there ever was one, since the original game is one of my all-time NES favourites. It's not too difficult in the end though, if you've beaten the original enough times to know every level inside out and be prepared for just a little bit of extra. After all, all the Energy Tanks are still very much in place, and they'll help you a million. But, it's difficult enough to drop into consistency with the rest of the series, especially the games at hand right here. The first game is evil, but not quite as evil as I remembered it to be at its worst - besides, there's a save feature now. Mega Man 2 is now a bit harder, which makes it _almost_ as difficult as the first game. Then, we have Mega Man 3 that was always meant to crunch your balls to flattened raisins, and it still does exactly that... with authority, and purpose to entertain the hell out of you.

The last item on my list of gameplay issues regarding the remastered games is control. Mega Man moves more fluidly in look than he ever did in the original games, and therefore, he also feels more fluid to control. What I like most about this game's controls might sound like a small and simple thing, but I think NES kids know what I'm talking about when I say I'm so glad they made C the jump button and B the fire button instead of moving one of these features to A - as usually A and B are the main action buttons in Genesis games. This way, adapting to the controller after hacking through these games on the NES for half your life is not hard at all. The learning curve is two seconds into it for any guy or gal who's half a fan.

This guy's huge, he has two health bars and
he's still a pushover.

The Wily Tower - you'd think that since it's exclusive and it's unlocked after you've finished each game, that it would be a challenging showdown for the ages, but actually, it isn't. In fact, the whole "game" is a pushover in comparison to what you've just been through. The only real challenge lies in picking the right weapons and items for the job. The long levels might give you hell in many forms, as they're mixed bags of everything from the three games - Snake Man's snake heads show up, as well as those bloated glowfish from Bubble Man's stage, and of course, the disappearing blocks - but the bosses, all the way from the pathetic animalistic wretches ripped off Mega Man X to Dr. Wily himself, are practically effortless to defeat. It's a cool extra, no doubt about it, and maybe it's just supposed to be a love letter to fans instead of an ultimate challenge. I think something like this is where Capcom was getting at with the eventually cancelled Mega Man Universe.

In my honest opinion, I think Mega Man: The Wily Wars is an extremely overlooked gem, perhaps second only to Super Mario All-Stars when it comes to the greatest compilation of remakes in history, and one of the best overall games on the Sega Genesis system. To get 8-bit masterpieces like Mega Man 2 and 3 remastered this gracefully for the 16-bit environment, one more classic game, and extra levels to boot, on one single cartridge... just think about it. The only thing I can really complain all the way to oblivion about is the quality of the music. Seriously, nothing else. This is a bundle of love, and it's a true joy to kick off the year with such a positive surprise.

UPS
+ Three classic games that made the franchise what it was
+ Nice colouring and overall, good graphics
+ Fluid gameplay that surpasses the original games
+ All that originally made these games stick: innovative enemy and level design, non-linearity, all that
+ Especially with Mega Man 2's modified difficulty level, and with Mega Man 3 and the Wily Tower here, you are guaranteed a Mega Man game of challenge and length like no other

DOWNS
- Although the capacity is larger, there are some persistent lags and glitches like the slow-down following the firing of the Gemini Laser
- Wily Tower's a cool, lengthy extra, but somewhat of a pushover
- The new bosses aren't too impressive, either
- Several problems involving sound; glitched audio, the total lack of some classic sound effects,  badly rearranged music, and crappy original music (except for one gem in the Wily Tower)
- One of the saddest moments in my "career" was to find I've run out of fresh insults towards Ice Man, Heat Man and Spark Man

< 9.2 >

REVIEW - James Bond 007: The Duel | GEN | 1993

GENRE(S): Action
RELEASED: May 14, 1993
AVAILABLE ON: GEN, GG, SMS
DEVELOPER(S): The Kremlin
PUBLISHER(S): Domark Software, Tengen

While the 17th Bond movie - which was to be 1995's super-successful GoldenEye - was stuck in development hell and Timothy Dalton was this close to leaving the movie, which he ultimately did leaving the spot for Pierce Brosnan to vacate, an odd game called James Bond 007: The Duel was released on all of Sega's three systems. It was an arcade-style run 'n' gun game, pretty much a clone of the 1986 cult classic Rolling Thunder. It's often noted as the first 007 game with an original plot and for Timothy Dalton's final "appearance" as James Bond... sadly, not for much else.

Suicide agent

A mad scientist has taken over an island, and hired a few of 007's deadliest enemies to counter any resistance from MI6 as he is putting his grand scheme of world domination in motion.

I'm seriously having trouble seeing the difference
between the water and parts of the sub.

Let's start with the first and last positive note(s) I have to make about this game. First off, James Bond 007: The Duel is the seventh game I've reviewed as a part of this marathon, and strangely the first one to feature the James Bond theme song. Secondly, it's got Jaws in it. There are a few other villains from the actual movie franchise, but Jaws... Jaws is the man. I'm not too fond of how confrontations with the giant play out, but it's good to see 'im. Well, that's about it.

The graphics are flat, and the level design is confusing beyond measure. The music's all right, but the sound effects and voice samples - grunts and screams - are absolutely horrid. As you go around saving damsels in distress, they sound more horrified than relieved.

Saving damsels is one of the main points of the game, and what you'll start with in each of the four levels. What's a relief, is that when you die - which will be VERY OFTEN - each lady you've managed to save is checked off the list. So, even if (and when) you die and have to start the level over, you won't have to go through the trouble of besting the awkward level design to find them again. Once you've saved all the ladies in one level, you need to find a bomb to blow the level sky high. Once you've done that, you need to square off with a boss - or manage to evade him long enough to find the exit. It's as simple as that, and the game only has four levels. Unfortunately, surviving or merely figuring out just one level in this butthole of a game isn't as simple.

Fear not, my lady. Bond, James Bond. Sworn
nemesis of the Predator.

Confrontations with enemies are usually all about doing or dying - the moment they see you, they'll put a bullet or two in your flesh, and you won't have anything to do about that. James ducks if he feels like it - most of the time he's just pointing his gun downwards when you press down - and evading to the background is a rare opportunity, which usually comes at moments there are no enemies in sight. With a little trial and error, you'll figure out that you can actually kill enemies while they're off-screen. It's just too bad that they usually spawn from both directions, making it near-impossible for you to survive one screen unscathed. James jumps backwards with each hit, and in a game that's all about hazards below, that's one damn annoying mannerism. Also, you cannot adjust his jumps at all. In a game in which you can die by falling from heights, and which forces you to jump into the blue all the time, it's a lethal flaw.

James Bond 007: The Duel is not a fun game to play, but it's a credible enough effort as a piece of 007 merchandise, which makes it a curiosity for true fans. The levels which go up, down, sideways and across, spotty controls and James' suicidal tendencies make this heap impossible to truly enjoy.

UPS
+ The theme song, classic villains and Dalton's likeness make it feel authentic
+ Decent music throughout
+ A better checkpoint system than in most games of the era

DOWNS
- Horrible sound effects
- Control issues and suicidal mannerisms
- Flat, bland and confusing level design
- Falling from heights kills you, and ironically, you're forced to jump into the complete unknown a little too often

< 4.9 >

REVIEW - Olympic Gold: Barcelona '92 | GEN | 1992

GENRE(S): Sports
RELEASED: July 1992
AVAILABLE ON: GEN, GG, SMS
DEVELOPER(S): Tiertex
PUBLISHER(S): Sega, U.S. Gold

The idea for this one actually came from a reader, an Olympic enthusiast, who presented the question: if Track & Field, why not official IOC-licensed games? I thought: yeah, why the hell not. After leaving Epyx's sports games out of the fray for now, and some random tryouts by several developers, I'm left with only three official games. They're easy and quick enough to review... I hope! 'Cause I've never played the first two games before. Let's start with the very first officially licensed olympic game ever made, and hope that it packs at least some punch, besides being such a historical game - here's Olympic Gold: Barcelona '92 for the Sega Genesis.

...Que?

Remember: shooting your opponent in the ass
is considered cheating.

The late 80's were Sega's primetime. With the release of the 16-bit Sega Genesis/Mega Drive system, they established a solid base of followers, who might've sworn to Nintendo's name and that only in the past. When Nintendo struck back with their own 16-bit system in 1990, Sega suffered quite a blow and could not get their hands on many exclusive deals. They needed games like Olympic Gold, officially licensed games that were sure to sell based on the size of the license alone. Naturally, the first question is: how does a game, officially licensed by the International Olympic Committee, stand up to Konami's Track & Field - which was pretty much the only serious alternative at the time? Actually, it's the only important question. Besides "Que?"

Where to start...? Olympic Gold does not feature anything new when it comes to the events. Actually, it's like a collection of events from all of the Track & Field series; Dash, Hurdles, Archery, Hammer Throw (I'll get to it...), Pole Vault, Freestyle Swimming, and finally, one of my personal favourites from Track & Field II (at least when I was a kid), Springboard Diving. Just reading through the list of events gives off a warm, familiar feeling of a good way to pass time. It's just that simply understanding this game takes you the same time it takes you to run through the whole of the first Track & Field game. Oh, and guess what? You know that annoying button-alternating system I criticized very heavily in the case of International Track & Field? Guess where that shitty idea was used for the first time? "Que?"

Uhh... what was I supposed to press again?
Well, doesn't matter anymore...

The graphics are quite good and polished, and the music is awesome at its best - very inspirational stuff, I could listen to the lead track all day long. Well, not quite, but it's good shit. I'm not too surprised they invested in the audiovisuals, and I'm not surprised they invested less in casual playability, either. Disappointed - yes - but surprised - not really.

Training Mode will spill out the essential beans - you don't even have to try out the actual main mode to deem this game kinda sucky. I said "kinda", 'cause while it has all the elements of a bad t 'n' f game, it's not the worst one around. For example, the button-alternating system used in most events is much easier to manage with a Genesis controller than a PlayStation controller; it's more ergonomically suited for different holding and pressing techniques by a far lot - arguably, of course, as people have different hands. The Hammer Throw - I know you've waited for this - is actually a pretty fun event in comparison to all its all-out horrible incarnations. The release window is more forgiving, and your guy doesn't spin around like a fuckin' propeller to totally obscure that window. This time, it's the button-alternating system (A-B-A-B-A-B, tap C) that pisses on the event just like it pisses on the whole game. Yeah, I know just tapping one button might sound boring, but it simply works better and results in much less physical trauma! I don't know when they stopped getting that fact.

What a mess! If I got this right, you're supposed
to pick a certain type of dive and nail it perfectly,
or else you're going home, no matter how great
your dive looked.

Archery is a tough one to understand, but the complicated button presses of Pole Vault, the strict strategy of Freestyle Swimming, and the mess that is Springboard Diving take a split No. 1 spot on the list of "Que the fuck is this?" Sports games with several different events are meant to be easily comprehended by casual players, regardless of their age or any similar factor. Anyone should be able to just pick up the controller and go. That's what Track & Field taught us. Olympic Gold isn't that kind of game. Each event has some complicated strategy, that might take hours to sink in, and even more hours to work on cue every time, if you're doing it right. I'm not a sports enthusiast myself - I'm a casual fan of this video game genre, and I expect every game of this video game genre to be a casual game with easy access. Olympic Gold is far from it. I don't feel the need to talk about Springboard Diving, just look at the screenshot. Kinda different from the basic simplicity of the event in Track & Field II, don't you think?

Like I said, even with the enfuriating and rough button-alternating system and the sheer difficulty to learn all aspects of the game, Olympic Gold isn't the worst and most tedious Olympic game out there - it has some subtle, attractive qualities. When it comes to what it has on my favourite game in the genre - Track & Field on the NES - unfortunately, the answer to that is nothing.

UPS
+ Good graphics and music
+ Consistently annoying events from sports games are worked on...

DOWNS
- ...While entertaining ones are flushed with a ridiculous learning curve...
- ...Or the scourge of the button-alternating system introduced here for the first time on a home console

< 6.2 >

REVIEW - The Adventures of Batman & Robin (1995)

GENRE(S): Action
RELEASED: 1995
AVAILABLE ON: GEN
DEVELOPER(S): Clockwork Tortoise
PUBLISHER(S): Sega
PLAYERS: 1-2

Both the late NES and SNES had been blessed with their landmark Batman games by the mid-90's - Sunsoft's Batman and Konami's Batman Returns, respectively. Both of these games were also made available on the Sega Genesis, but as very, very different and inferior versions. With the release of Batman: Revenge of the Joker, and of course, Batman Forever which sucked wherever it went, it seemed like the Genesis would never get a half decent Batman game to its name. Then came Sega's version of The Adventures of Batman & Robin; Konami's SNES version of the Animated Series license had come out a year before and while it wasn't a perfect game, it was the most authentic Batman video game experience of the time. The Genesis game was made by an utterly inexperienced group of developers calling themselves Clockwork Tortoise, and published by Sega themselves. Needless to say I was a bit worried when I started the game. Well, how is it? Was The Adventures of Batman & Robin THE Batman game the Sega Genesis needed or does it seal Batman's worthless legacy on this particular console?

A mere shadow of the bat

Mr. Freeze is working on a elaborate plan to freeze Gotham City. Batman and Robin quickly catch on, so in order to keep them busy, Freeze busts the Joker, Two-Face and Mad Hatter out of Arkham Asylum to wreak their very own havoc.

Why set fire to a bank?

Konami's take on The Adventures of Batman & Robin could've been an awesome game; it had the look of the classic animated series, some of the best graphics ever seen on the SNES and it had Danny Elfman's music to create some incredible atmosphere. However, it was not a fun game to play, as if having Batman's arch nemesis as the first boss wouldn't have felt awkward enough. It had a wide variety of great villains, though; my five favourites were all in that game, even though all of them were not given enough due. Joker, Riddler, Two-Face, Scarecrow, Catwoman. Who does the Sega game have? Well, it does have Mr. Freeze, who was elevated to whole new heights as a Batman villain by the animated series; he used to be a humorous filler character, but once his backstory was revealed in the 90's, it blew minds, and now he's regarded as one of the greatest villains in the franchise. He's great to have along, but otherwise, the rogues' gallery is an utter disappointment. Joker (w/ Harley Quinn) and Two-Face were already featured in the SNES game, and Mad Hatter was kind of an odd choice at this point of time. Four main villains, as opposed to the SNES game's nine. Doesn't sound like a good start to me.

The graphics are promoted as some of the best graphics ever seen on the Genesis. I find that quite plausible on paper, since the SNES game's graphics absolutely shined, how could Sega possibly fail one year later? Well, it seems that Clockwork Tortoise worked really hard to create some stunning effects, such as the whole of Hatter's level, but in turn, they deliberately downgraded the look of the rest of the game. It really doesn't look that special - when it comes to the greatest Genesis graphics ever, I have to name Earthworm Jim by a long shot in comparison to The Adventures of Batman & Robin. It doesn't even retain half of the animated series' look, actually it looks somewhat cheap. While Konami got the rights to Danny Elfman's tunes, Sega got Jesper Kyd to do the music. This was his first truly major title, and he went on to compose music to many Ubisoft franchises including Splinter Cell and Assassin's Creed, so I expected a lot, but the music is really not good, and moreover, this ambient electronica has absolutely no connection to any shape or form of Batman media.

Even before the opening cutscene is over, I'm seeing a lot of stuff that's bluntly telling me that this ain't going to be a good game. There's nothing that would prove me wrong, either. Next, we get a choice between Batman and Robin, which is like giving a choice between Mario and Luigi in some other game than Super Mario Bros. 2. It seems that Sega chose to listen to what fans had to say about Konami ditching Robin from the SNES game even though the game was called The Adventures of Batman & Robin, but they would've done well to listen to some other complaints (or praises), as well. Anyway, I'll go with Batman, of course.

Balloons, how scary. Oh, balloons with bombs
attached to 'em? Well, that puts a whole new
ring to it, doesn't it?

The game is an arcade-style run 'n' gun game. I know how ridiculous that sounds, but at least this time Batman doesn't have a variety of firearms he had in the previously reviewed game; he uses Batarangs and shurikens, which you can upgrade by collecting different-coloured icons with the Batman insignia on them. There's a meter in the upper left corner that shows how much spunk your projectiles have left; if the meter hits the bottom, they're really weak and you might want to resort to dropkicks until it goes back up. Otherwise, there are no real melée attacks. As you progress, the waves of enemies become larger and more difficult to dispose of, actually downright impossible. The game's crappy physics do not allow any elaborate tactics to be deciphered. You can collect power-ups from trash cans and such, but there's really nothing that would just stop your lives from running down a drain and stop you having to start whole boring levels over and over until you're lucky enough to make it to the end. I would've probably spent a few dimes on the game if it really was an arcade game, but on a home console, it simply doesn't work. It's not really bad - like Revenge of the Joker bad - but it's not worth much, and even if the SNES game wasn't perfect, it was considerably better.

I can't claim to be too disappointed with the game, I pretty much knew what to expect from it just by reading about it. It was the notable difference between this game and the SNES counterpart that prompted me to try it, nothing else, not even my infatuation with Batman. The Adventures of Batman & Robin is the best Batman game on the Sega Genesis, but that's far from an accomplishment considering its company. It's not real, there's no experience to it, it's near impossible to beat and even more impossible to truly enjoy. Nearly everything about it is highly awkward rather than truly awful.

GRAPHICS : 7.0
SOUND : 5.8
PLAYABILITY : 6.2
LIFESPAN : 5.0
CONCLUSION : 5.8

TRIVIA

GameRankings: 72.90%

Clockwork Tortoise also developed the very different Sega-CD version of the game, which was well received by Batman fans due to its animated segments in which several of the show's voice actors reprised their roles.

REVIEW - Batman: Revenge of the Joker (1992)

GENRE(S): Action
RELEASED: 1992
AVAILABLE ON: GEN
DEVELOPER(S): Ringler Studios
PUBLISHER(S): Sunsoft
PLAYERS: 1

In 1991, Sunsoft broke all ties to the Batman movie license by making an original sequel to their 1989 NES classic. The game was called Batman: Return of the Joker, and it was a total flop. It wasn't only a very frustrating game, it also lacked a great deal of authenticity and it's often used as a prime example of a Batman video game gone horribly wrong. For some reason, Sunsoft saw fit to somewhat remake this game in 1992 for the Sega Genesis; in other words, they made a faithful 16-bit port of the game, but confusingly renamed it  Batman: Revenge of the Joker. Is it as bad as the original game? No, not at all. It's much, much worse.

Knightfall

The Joker escapes from Arkham Asylum and it's up to Batman and his variety of firearms to take the clown prince of crime out for good.

This particular type of plot outline is quite enough to tell everyone who didn't read my review of the original Batman: Return of the Joker why the game was such a disgraceful take on the Batman franchise. Batman DOES NOT USE FIREARMS. Ever. It's bluntly laid out by every story on Batman ever made. Overturning one of Batman's most unique personal traits was just the beginning for the awful game. There was the "golden Batman" that flew through the skies and shot everything in front to shit and all that. Every step you took in that game took you further from the truth. Well, all of that makes its return in Revenge of the Joker, which is a very faithful port of the game, not really a remake. It's just so much worse than the original game that I just had to review it to get peace of mind.

The aggressive colour palette makes me writhe in disgust. The opening "cutscene" portrays a moderately cool and chiseled Batman - who looks like he's taking a Bat-shit though - but perhaps the worst-drawn Joker ever seen. The NES game was one of the best-looking games on the platform, this version is far from being even a moderately good looking Genesis game. The level design's the same, but they're more compact while the sprites remain the same large size as in the NES version - it's really hard to simply move around in this game. The music's still good, but it isn't sequenced any better than it was on the 8-bit - the stiff mix actually sounds even worse!

Please kill me, you filthy degenerate. I seem to be
in the wrong game.

Let's get the only thing the game has on the original out of the way right now: there's a melée kick in Batman's repertoire. ...And? And what? That's it! You still have to rely on those God damn guns to make it forward, since the kick doesn't even help you one damn bit. I guess it was added in because so many people frowned on Batman having no melée attacks. It's all the same to have none than one that simply doesn't work.

The guns are crappy, the bullets are rarely optimized to actually hit, and enemies absorb a LOT of bullets before giving in. In turn, Batman's life bar is downright pathetic and when there are enemies (and/or projectiles) coming from all directions, the occasional automatic side scrolling sequence thrown in, and those infamous jumps which you'll survive at a 20% certainty, it's probably needless to say that the easiest thing to do in this game is die. Oh yeah, and if you stand perfectly still for a second and a half, like, umm, when you're waiting for the opportune moment to pass an obstacle, let's say a spiked ball (now how did I come up with that...), Batman starts posturing. He extends his body forward by something like a whole God damn inch, like he's waiting - CALLING - for that damn spiked ball to crash down and crush his God damn skull! This game was made for idiots, by idiots. 

Batman: Revenge of the Joker is a nearly unplayable game. You will have to be one ignorant person to enjoy this game, let alone treat it as a genuine, authentic Batman product. I seriously have to wonder whether Sunsoft really wanted to improve on the original game, or deliberately create an even worse game that would make the critically mutilated original shine. Either way, Batman: Revenge of the Joker is a joke, a very bad one.

GRAPHICS : 4.5
SOUND : 7.0
PLAYABILITY : 2.5
LIFESPAN : 1.5
CONCLUSION : 2.4

TRIVIA

a.k.a. Dynamite Batman (JAP), Batman II

GameRankings: 50.00%

A SNES port of this version was planned, but scrapped due to poor critical reception and sales.

REVIEW - Fatal Labyrinth (1990)

GENRE(S): RPG
RELEASED: 1990
AVAILABLE ON: GEN, PC
DEVELOPER(S): Sega
PUBLISHER(S): Sega
PLAYERS: 1

Fatal Labyrinth was among the few games released for the Sega Meganet in Japan. Sega Meganet was the first online service for a home console, ever. It was very expensive and awkward to use and it was discontinued in just a few months into its launch. Fatal Labyrinth was also among the few games that were remade for the Sega Mega Drive / Genesis for standard use. This roguelike RPG, partly influenced by Gauntlet, gained somewhat of a cult following that has lasted to this day. It has been re-released for three platforms of the current generation, and promoted as a bonafide Sega classic. Please, someone give me the definition of "classic" again. This game is God damn horrible.

Labyrinths usually have exits, you know...

Ghouls residing in the dark castle of Dragonia have stolen the Holy Goblet, an artifact which is used by humans to maintain the balance of darkness and light. It is now under the guard of an evil dragon. A villager named Trykaar bravely enters the castle to confront the dragon and save the world from eternal darkness.

I hate Gauntlet. I've always hated Gauntlet. It's one of the most overrated pieces of shit ever made. Although Fatal Labyrinth is a very different game, it reminds of me of Gauntlet in many ways, for example in simply being as horrible as it is. I had a bad feeling about it from the very beginning, but I was able to deal with it and press the Start button when (finally) prompted. Within a matter of minutes, I was convinced that whoever thought this game would be a fine subject for just one re-release must've been seriously high.

Actually showing equipped armour and weapons is a nice graphical detail, but that's the only remotely impressive graphical element of the game. Fatal Labyrinth must be one of the dullest looking games I've ever seen. Level design cannot even be spoken of, since the game is famous for being one of the first that had a random level generator - which makes it kind of an interesting title to start off this "marathon of the random" with. So, it's all about repeating textures in different orders. I'll tell you the best part in a bit.

As you can see, this random level's got an exit...

The music is simply unbearable. There's this one generic tune that goes on throughout the game, and it's bound to drive you nuts. The sound effects are equally horrible.

The idea of the game is extremely simple. You must make your way to the 30th floor of the Dragonia castle, by killing every monster you see (read: can), collecting items and equipment, and searching floors for a way upstairs. The best part of the level design I mentioned is that some of the floors do not have exits at all. Don't adjust the screen, you read absolutely right. Apparently, whoever designed the random level generator forgot to add the term of every random floor having at least a set of stairs. There's no way out, except death. If there are no enemies, dying is not possible, unless you just leave the game be until your character gets hungry enough to die of starvation (shades of Gauntlet, right there). If you don't have the patience to wait for that moment, you've just got to start the game over; simple, right? Maybe next time luck will be on your side. Hell, maybe next time you'll play a game that's worth your valuable time.

The item menu is extremely irritating. First of all, you have no stinking clue what any item does before you've used it. Also, you have no stinking clue of a weapon or armour's strength points before you equip 'em. Each time you equip or use something, you're just unceremoniously thrown out of the menu, back into the game. The inventory limit is more than unforgiving. All weapons of the same type look exactly the same on the field, and just as the levels themselves, they're generated at a complete random. You'd like to think that at floor level 26, you'd find a better axe than on floor level 1. Since you have run out of space for weapons, you throw away your large battle axe, just to find a small, pathetic rusty piece of shit that you couldn't even use to chop down the smallest tree. I have no idea how to use ranged weapons, and the game doesn't really help me with my problem.

Enemies' strength and agility seems to vary at a complete random. You have to find a sweet spot to hit the more challenging enemies from, or else 95% of your attacks will either miss or be parried. That's quite reasonable on paper, but you must take into account the fact that some enemies follow you around. If you walk into a narrow corridor with a dead end (which you can't be certain of before reaching the end of the corridor) with an enemy like a Ninja or a Robot on your tail, you'll be trapped in there. There's no way to get past the enemies except killing them, and you especially can't attack these enemies from the front. Tough luck.

...While this random level doesn't. Plus, I'm
starving to death, and I'm chased down by
a robot drone from the future. I'm fucked.

The game is saved - for the duration of one single game session - between every fifth floor. Reaching the fifth floor does not mean you couldn't fall back down into the fourth one through a hidden pit in the ground. I'm quite serious, the game has those too, to drive you further into the PIT of insanity. What could be done and dealt with within a boring hour will most likely take you another boring hour or two because of many instances of mandatory suicide, floors without any types of exits, and finally, those damn holes in the ground. It takes surprisingly lot of patience to play through a seemingly measly amount of 30 short levels.

Collecting gold in this game benefits you none, as there are no merchants, or shops, or anything. The only thing you accomplish by collecting gold is a better funeral. Yes, once again I'm quite serious; the more gold you have, the more people there are gathered around your grave (some damn rock) in the Game Over screen. What a shitty joke.

Fatal Labyrinth was awful when I first played it, but it's even more of a chore than I remembered it to be. It's playable for a few minutes, if you have absolutely nothing else to do, but as a commercial product, it's totally devoid of both value and point. It's like a demo of an independent game rather than a full-fledged Sega product. It's considered one of the greatest cult classics of the Sega Genesis by many people who like to consider themselves different from the masses, but in reality, it's got to be one of the worst Genesis games ever made.

GRAPHICS : 4.5
SOUND : 3.0
PLAYABILITY : 4.3
LIFESPAN : 3.0
CONCLUSION : 3.7

TRIVIA

a.k.a. Labyrinth of Death: Shi no Meikyū (JAP)

GameRankings: 46.67%

The game is considered a spiritual successor and update to a Sega Master System game named Dragon Crystal, which was released the same year.

The game is one of the 49 games included in Sonic's Ultimate Genesis Collection, released on the PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360 in early 2009. The game was also released on the Steam service for home computers in late 2010.