REVIEW - New Super Mario Bros.

GENRE(S): Platformer
AVAILABLE ON: DS, Wii U (Virtual Console)
DEVELOPER(S): Nintendo
PUBLISHER(S): Nintendo
RELEASE DATE: May 15, 2006

As far as stand-alone Donkey Kong games from recent years went, I didn't have much choices. With Mario, it's a whole different story. I literally had tens of titles to choose from - which is probably difficult to believe, considering how many Mario games I've reviewed back in the day, and also considering that I laid the plumber to rest not once, but twice, due to the lack of games available. Well, suffice to say that me and Nintendo have resolved our differences in the last four years - I've bought a whole lot of Nintendo games, both new and old, in the last four years and a good bulk of them stars either Mario, Link or Donkey Kong. I've bought not one, not two, but three Nintendo consoles, and gotten a fourth for a Christmas present. So where the hell should I begin? It's obvious I can't do 'em all, and I don't even have a reason to go into the exploits of the extended Mario family just now. I don't have a reason to do any all-star games just now - this marathon is more about two central characters. That principle actually helps shorten the list quite a bit. Well, since I started with a game called Donkey Kong Country Returns, let's go to another comeback game from a little further back. The Nintendo DS was launched in North America on November 21st, 2004, and with it, as always, came a Mario title. Not a completely new one, though, but a complete remake of Super Mario 64. Although the remake was critically acclaimed for its technological prowess, and (almost) all of the extra content that set it apart from the original game, some people started speculating if Mario had run his course and all we'd get was remakes of hardly aged masterpieces from that point on; Nintendo had already announced a game called New Super Mario Bros., which didn't promise much by its name in this situation. However, New Super Mario Bros. was a completely new game; it was to be the first traditional 2D Mario platformer since Super Mario Land 2: 6 Golden Coins for the Game Boy, from 1992, and just as its title implied, a spiritual successor to the very first game in the Super Mario series from 1985. Its arrival was greeted with rave reviews - but is it really that good? Let's see. Classic Mario Bros. expert on the case.

You know my name

Mario and Peach (Toadstool.) are on a little walk through the gardens (here comes that innuendo again) when lightning suddenly strikes the Princess' castle. While Mario runs out to check if everyone's alright, Bowser Jr. sneaks up behind the Princess and snatches her. Mario's focus quickly shifts back to his pink-clad love muffin, and we know the rest.

First of all, I've got to admit that I've had experiences with Mario games from the last ten (plus) years in a wrong order. I've played better games than New Super Mario Bros., but they've also been newer games by far. Except for Super Mario 64 DS, but hell, that's a remake based on one of my favourite games of all time - it doesn't matter whether I hacked it to pieces at launch or just started it yesterday. However, putting things into focus, one can still write an honest review of New Super Mario Bros.; really good Mario games never grow old. The original Super Mario Bros. - I still love that game. Super Mario Bros. 3 - oh hell yeah. Super Mario World - magnificent. Super Mario Galaxy - never liked it too much to begin with. You get the idea. When a game called New Super Mario Bros. emerges, I have certain expectations. In the gist of it all, I expect a good, entertaining platformer. That much New Super Mario Bros. manages to deliver. Is it all I could hope for from a 2D Mario adventure, a subcategory of platformer games that is almost full of some of the greatest video games in the world? No.

Shadow of the Colossus.

Some things I've always admired Nintendo for, even in the years I spent in the between criticizing them in every turn, mostly for their refusal to accept modern reality, is innovation, their focus, how they polish their creations to the absolute hilt. During the time I've owned a 3DS or the Wii U, updates to the games haven't really changed anything - they've been complete games from the start. That's something Sony and Microsoft should study. The innovative part is what I wanted to talk about here, though. Even if New Super Mario Bros. is basically a spiritual successor to the original Super Mario Bros., it's expected to be an innovative game from the start, especially since it's a first-party DS game. I'm not seeing anything new and exciting, not until well over the midway mark of World 2. It's then and there when influences from all sorts of Mario games from the last 20 years really start to kick in and be crucial to your progress. I think it's a bit too late, though, and there have already been a lot of elements to the game which might've chomped off one bite too many - it just might be that you, whether you're an old-timer here for them old times, or a new-generation gamer, will just blast through the game as quickly as you can to be done with it. Doesn't matter, really. There's not much reward to be had for the tricky collectables, the new power-ups are basically useless, and the game can be frustratingly hard at some spots, regardless of your item reserve or how many extra lives you got stacked up. Good news for them blasters, you only have to beat six of the game's eight worlds to complete the game - the two are secret ones, strangely in the middle of the game - and there are a few tricks you can use to your advantage to get to the credits as fast as possible.

The graphics are just as good as you'd expect from Nintendo's very own research and development team for such a title. 3D character models and level effects against 2D backgrounds, plus of course the very physical movement of Mario creates a fluid feel to it all. No criticism there. Koji Kondo took a creative break (for all of 2005 and 2006 actually), and is credited as "sound director", while Asuka Ota and Hajime Wakai are in charge of the actual composition of the game. Another bundle of remixes, and some new tunes, which really aren't that great although the Overworld theme went on to be used in a lot of future games at some capacity. This is probably the first Mario game of any genre, developed by Nintendo, in which the music doesn't have any notable positive effect on me.

You know my game

New Super Mario Bros. is just about as standard 2D Mario jab as it can possibly get after his 3D exploits. Some random mechanics like the ground pound and wall kick manouvers are still in, but casual players will do just fine without 'em - just jump, dash, and shoot the occasional fireball, just like decades back, and you've got this. The level design really ain't that special; once harder levels set in, they're made harder with standard, tactically placed blocks, platforms and enemies instead of something really innovative and elements that would go to show what the DS was truly capable of. Bowser Jr. appears as a recurring miniboss who never really changes tactics, just the levels change a little bit (once in a while); the gallery of world bosses comprises of magically enhanced versions of standard enemies (like in Yoshi's Island, only on a smaller scale) and you'll butt heads with Bowser himself a few times, in a vintage Super Mario Bros. fashion - only the circumstances are a bit different from what you're accustomed to.

Facing off with Bowser Jr.. Just the first
time of many.

Every level in the game has a set of three hidden Star Coins, which you can use to open up pathways along your long walk through Mushroom Kingdom. However, these only help you to reach Toad Houses and some minigames for extra lives. To gain access to the two "secret" worlds in the game, you need to find a secret exit in one of the levels of each of the adjacent worlds. As expected, the levels in there are quite hard, but I can tell you: if you are able to beat the game, you're sure as hell able to beat the secret levels. Your arrival to World 6 is greeted by the forces of Satan, and they're escorting you to Hell from that point on. The bosses you can definitely handle. If nothing else works, try the Mega Mushroom.

The Mega Mushroom is quite the epic novelty item. With this, Mario grows in size to barely fit the gameplay screen and trashes EVERYTHING in his wake, which unfortunately includes paths that might lead you to Star Coins. You might perceive it as a frustrating item well beyond its cool factor, until you realize that it works on all bosses, including Bowser. (There, a hint.) This reminds me, that the item reserve from Super Mario World is back, placed on the touch screen along with a level "map" and your HUD. The Blue Koopa Shell... buhhhh... always wanted to be part of the Koopa Troop? Well, now you can, this one time, and as you will see, life in Bowser's army isn't that great. With the Shell, you swim faster, sure, and that's a good thing - Mario swims very slow. You can also withdraw into the Shell to protect yourself, and dash into a traditional spinning attack across the floor... which also spins you right out of control, and probably leaves you groaning at the bottom of a pit. The Mini Mushroom does the complete opposite of the Mega Mushroom, and shrinks Mario into a size he can't do shit to enemies, but is able to defy gravity and jump to incredible heights, and fit into smaller pipes. These are the new power-ups. Like 'em? Didn't think so. They're shit. Except that Mega Mushroom, for its occasional value - occasional.

VERDICT

Of course New Super Mario Bros. is a good game; it's a 2D platformer starring Mario, it can't go to complete waste. But, it is so uncharacteristically typical and plain from Nintendo, and gets more frustrating in its sheer staleness the further it goes. The new crappy power-ups and the collectables' lack of usefulness just drive the nail further in. It's funny how this game got all the glory and the next handheld game in the New SMB series was so disliked by many critics; I find the successor more innovative and exciting, not a perfect game by any measure but better. Some might say "it was 2006, cut it some slack", and my answer is "it was 2006, so I certainly won't". Good game, but I expected more.

7.5

REVIEW - Marvel Super Hero Squad | DS | 2009

GENRE(S): Action / Beat 'em up
RELEASED: October 20, 2009 (DS, PSP)
AVAILABLE ON: DS, PS2, PSP, Wii
DEVELOPER(S): Blue Tongue Entertainment, Halfbrick Studios (DS), Mass Media (PS2, PSP)
PUBLISHER(S): THQ

Ladies and gentlemen, this is it. 18 months, a dazzling total of 60 games - the Marvel marathon has come to its finale. Now we're not even looking for a perfect game, we've learned much during this time and it's safe to assume that there isn't a Marvel game good enough in all of history to provide for a truly epic climax to this longest VGMania marathon there ever was (or ever will be). In accordance to my personal code, let's look up something as strange as possible instead. The Marvel Super Hero Squad is actually a toy line for small children, launched by Hasbro in 2006 or 2007 to re-introduce Marvel characters as family-friendly favourites as opposed to their original (and film) counterparts, whose adventures were mostly written for young adults. The toys were quite a hit and an animated series based on them premiered on Cartoon Network in September 2009; as expected, the first of many video game licenses leeching off its success came a month later.

Man, this is just so wrong.

Dr. Doom and his Lethal Legion are in search of the Infinity Sword's missing pieces, which alone are quite enough to grant their bearers immense power. The Super Hero Squad runs in to save Super Hero City. HERO UP! ...Eh...

At least the game doesn't really
suffer from the touch screen at all.

Why are they doing this? I mean just about every cartoon writer and artist of the 21st century. To me, it all started with the first of the now various reimaginings of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. When I first heard that the heroes in a half shell were coming back, I was ecstatic beyond belief. At the age of 19, I dug up my old TMNT comic books, taped episodes of the old show, and even what I got left of the action figure collection I had, and rented the first two live-action movies for the hell of it. I watched the first episode of the 2003 show and I was furious at what they had done to my childhood heroes, and what they were selling them as to the new generation. Sure, it was closer to Eastman and Laird's original vision, but me and all of my old friends shared the same thought: the 1987 cartoon perfected the franchise. It was light-hearted and comical on the exact level it needed to be. How about all the crap that has come under Batman's fine name? On my account, that started reeling in even before the new TMNT, with Batman Beyond. I could never stand that show, even if it was done by people who knew their business. Now we're not just talking about action-oriented cartoons - how about Disney's newer shows, most of were essentially created to fill in the gaps on the Disney Channel? Those fucking American Dragons and Kim Possibles and the 3D Winnie the Pooh cartoon? GOD!

Here we have Super Hero Squad. So they had a toy line, that's OK - you can make any sort of toys out of anything and I personally don't mind, I'm not exposed to them. But a cartoon... really? Did you really need to make one? All these twisted, family-friendly caricatures of kick-ass superheroes moms and dads have known all their lives, and are now forced to watch or otherwise be exposed to? Why couldn't you just put the old cartoons (Spider-Man, X-Men...) on re-runs? Kids would've loved those, we should know! This generation's knowledge on classic comics evolves in the wrong order. They watch all that crap as kids, that's their perception of "classic". Then as they grow up, they might go into nostalgia mode and check out those old ones just for novelty's sake. "They're old", "they're obsolete", all that shit. "Why is TMNT so funny?" "Why is Wolverine so angry?" And if they're really out of it, they're asking "Who's Bruce Wayne? Who's Peter Parker?" It's not their fault, it's those fucking assholes who keep ruining this shit for us AND them. Things were so much better when I was growing up. And much more simple. Wolverine was Wolverine, not some ultra-heroic, wise-cracking bobblehead figure with a permanent smirk on his face.

Getting back to the harsh reality and accepting it, Marvel Super Hero Squad isn't such a bad game. It's just not fit for adults at all, and I don't think a possible adult audience ever crossed the developers' minds, which might explain why the game only came out on a couple of portable systems, the family-oriented Wii and the PS2 which was on life support at the time. It's a very simple, straightforward mixture of a beat 'em up and a platformer, which kinda reminds me of Lego games... when I'm at my least judgmental. (At least Lego is clear-cut parody, not an "alternative" or whatever the Super Hero Squad's supposed to be.) The level design is described as "maze-like"; you can rest assured, there are no mazes in this game. If a few more platforms to jump on than usual makes a maze, then sure. The music's either annoying or unmemorable, the most memorable thing when it comes to the sound are the corny "HERO UP!" or "LEEEEETHAL LEGION!!!" proclamations in the start of each stage. They seriously sound like something off a superhero parody (like Warner Bros.' old Duck Rogers cartoons) rather than good catchphrases for kids.

Thor and Doom go to church.

Despite its lack of appeal, the game could've been good, even by adult standards. It has good base controls and for once I like the idea of alternating between heroes and villains, 'cause it has a point; you'll be able to play any character in the game once you're done with the main mode, and quite like in the Lego games, all characters have different abilities; mostly cosmetic here though. The main mode is the Story Mode, which contains seven levels with a few stages each, starring a different character on a different mission with a boss battle looming at the end. The boss battles are designed quite like poor man's Smash Bros. - you are placed in a multi-layered level where you need to either beat the hell out of your opponent or hurl him/her out of the playfield enough times to drain 'em out of their extra lives. And this is what the Battle Mode is all about, but like I said, it's a very limited experience. Don't go expecting miracles, even the size of the very first Smash Bros. title. You have to make due with what you got.

L and R are both used for blocking, B is somewhat strangely the primary attack button, while Y unleashes a special attack which can be charged by holding the button. A is used for jumping, and X for a grapple, which mostly benefits you against shielded opponents. The touch screen is used only whenever your "super bar" is full; it allows you to work out a brief period of invincibility or a super attack that destroys most enemies around you. It's that simple in its entirety, and it would work if the game didn't get so boring so quickly. Despite allowing you to use a different character each level, the levels are lengthy as hell and there's a certain repeating pattern to all of them in both the shapes of the terrain and objectives. The enemies are almost exactly the same throughout the game. There are just some certain character-specific opponents to create an illusion of diversity.

It wasn't so long ago I replayed X-Men Origins: Wolverine - a really brutal, violent game starring Wolverine. Now for the "climax" of this whole long-ass marathon I played the first level of a polar opposite of a game using the same character... or some twisted caricature at least. Looking back, I probably should've done it the other way around... oh, well. The Marvel marathon's been a long and confusing journey as it is. There have been a lot of bad games, a lot of even worse games, some fairly good games, some almost great. So where does this last one stand? Let's cut it some slack: don't play it. Spare yourself. Let your kids play it if you're the most resilient collector, but make sure they know this has nothing to do with the real thing. It's not a bad game; it's a fairly good gameplay concept ruined with generic execution and one horrible license. They should've sticked to the toys, really.

UPS
+ Well, it has Thor... or something Thor-ish
+ The concept could've worked if they put a little more effort into it; Smash Bros. meets Marvel meets platformer

DOWNS
- The source material
- Both modes are only half baked

< 6.0 >

REVIEW - Marvel Nemesis: Rise of the Imperfects | DS | 2005

GENRE(S): Fighting
RELEASED: September 20, 2005 (GCN, PS2, Xbox)
AVAILABLE ON: DS, GCN, PS2, PSP, Xbox
DEVELOPER(S): EA Canada, Nihilistic Software, Sensory Sweep Studios (DS), Team Fusion (PSP)
PUBLISHER(S): EA

In the summer of 2005, Marvel Comics launched a miniseries entitled Marvel Nemesis, created in close collaboration with everyone's least favourite big game developer - though they were still not quite as unpopular as they are today - Electronic Arts. Of course, the whole point of EA being a part of the series' creation was to promote the video game Marvel Nemesis: Rise of the Imperfects, which was released on five different systems, September through October. The game was a 3D, one-on-one fighting game, which pitted a host of Marvel's heroes and villains alike against a group of EA's aliens calling themselves the Imperfects. The comic book series wasn't that specially received, but the game outright bombed; all versions of it, but once again the award for hosting the least appreciated version of the the game goes to the Nintendo DS. Let's have a look.

Boring... so boring

Brilliant alien scientist Niles Van Roekel unleashes his small army of genetically enhanced supervillains - dubbed the Imperfects - on New York City. A group of superheroes - including Spider-Man, Daredevil, as well as members of both the X-Men and the Fantastic Four - form an uneasy alliance with a couple of their world's villains to stop yet another alien invasion.

The good news is that you actually
CAN push that guy off the roof.

Marvel Nemesis: Rise of the Imperfects doesn't sound that bad, really. When you don't think about it that much, you might say: hey, well, they already had Capcom vs. SNK, and Marvel vs. Capcom, so what's wrong with Marvel vs. EA? That sounds stupid, so let's just rename the game to something a bit tastier. But hey... EA? What are EA gonna do? What could they do in 2005, before they had their paws on every third game? Put in the helicopter from the Strike games as a playable "character"? Or Wayne Gretzky? A Sims avatar? OK, OK, now I'm really being an asshole. No, they created a bunch of new characters - I don't think they ever meant to use them anywhere else, except perhaps future collaborations with Marvel. Which never happened - 'cause Marvel Nemesis: Rise of the Imperfects was a total critical and commercial failure. For a good reason, I might add. It's an extremely easy game - like piss-through easy - but to truly complete it, you must give it dozens of times more attention than any self-respecting gamer is willing to, after seeing it through just once.

The level design is honestly the game's strongest hook; the incredible simplicity of combat can also be traced back to it, though. The levels are multi-layered, vast environments, where most background items can either be broken or used against your opponent. Fighting on a road is quite annoying as you can never predict being run over by a car yourself; what's with these New York drivers? As far as the rest of the graphical presentation goes, I guess the game looks all right; after all, it's a moderately early DS game with full 3D - there could be just a little more light, though.

Combat is indeed simple as heck. Get in any sort of trouble and you can just grapple your opponent and hurl him/her to the other side of the screen to buy yourself some resting time; they won't even try to block the grapple. Keep punching Y for an endless array of simple, yet effective combos. Double up the power with holding R. It's really that simple, and it will get you to the end. Since this is a DS game, of course there's slight wankery on the "other" department as well. Whenever your opponent is close to biting dust, you're to whip out the stylus and click the touch screen with a couple of well-timed pokes to actually KILL your opponent with a fancy finisher. Wow. Whether you actually have time for such wankery or not is a whole other thing. In other words, you don't.

The final boss. Not only is he a pushover,
but I think DC Comics needs to have
a chat with EA.

Out of the 18 playable characters, only Wolverine, Spider-Man and the Human Torch (I call him that instead of Johnny Storm to avoid confusion with the EA-created "Johnny Ohm") are unlocked from the beginning. Now the first thing that comes to mind is that you probably unlock the rest of the characters on the go - wrong. I'll get to it, but for now, let's just choose Logan. You get three alternatives for the arcade mode's duration: short, medium, long, and even in this case, only the short version's unlocked from the start. On top of all, it really ain't that short. You still have to beat every Imperfect, some brainwashed versions of your allies, and the final boss (just push him over) to get to the end. The portrait of your character comes up, the same portrait you've been seeing after every match since the beginning of the game, and some text to congratulate you on your "big victory". And the circle just starts again. By winning matches, you get money which you can spend at the Comic Shop to buy new characters - for a LOT - or alternative outfits, or new levels. Unfortunately, there's not an option to spend your money to upgrade this extremely boring "experience" in any way. You need to play through the arcade mode at least twice to be able to afford just one more character, I reckon. You realize how many times you need to see this borefest through to unlock everyone? Need I remind you that half of the first time's already quite enough?

This game is a real drag. Not of the unplayable kind, but if you want entertainment, look for it somewhere else. When there's finally a handheld system that a fighting game can actually work on, they make something like this. Though the 3D level design's good, I would've rather had a fully functional and just somewhat challenging 2D game than a fancy, but ultimately empty makeover.

UPS
+ The level design is quite unique, it could work in a more functional context

DOWNS
- Easy, empty and boring
- Utterly fails to encourage the dedication it requires for completion; I mean, THREE characters available from the start? Really?!

< 4.5 >

REVIEW - Spider-Man: Web of Shadows | DS | 2008

GENRE(S): Action / Adventure / Beat 'em up
RELEASED: October 21, 2008
AVAILABLE ON: DS
DEVELOPER(S): Griptonite Games
PUBLISHER(S): Activision

How do you know you're reaching the end? The last on the whopping list of Spider-Man games - for now, and I assure you, a long while from now - is called Spider-Man: Web of Shadows. Three totally different versions of the game were announced in the spring of 2008: one for the PC, PlayStation 3, Wii and Xbox 360, one for the PlayStation 2 and PSP, and finally, one exclusive to the Nintendo DS. Although the storylines between the three versions were similar, the three versions differed greatly in gameplay and cast. While the console versions were deemed typical, boring and glitchy, yet not totally bashed by critics, it was surprisingly the DS version which got the most praises for its Metroidvania-influenced gameplay, cool 2.5D graphics and good physics. The praises didn't go to waste here - Spider-Man: Web of Shadows is the best Spidey game I've played in a very long time. No bullshit.

Goin' out with a bang... uh, swing

As if Venom by himself wasn't enough for Spider-Man to handle, New York City gets overrun by an army of symbiotes. Convinced that his arch rival is once again running with the wrong crowd, being too simple and straightforward for such a massive attack, Spider-Man sets out to search for Eddie Brock for answers. Meanwhile, Spider-Man's allies and foes alike are working towards stopping the alien invasion.

With about twenty Spidey games behind me, it's hard to believe anything fresh or positively surprising would come along, much less with the last title of one lengthy branch, and even less a DS game. Spider-Man: Web of Shadows is like a combination of the few good qualities of the DS games that came before it, spiced up with simple, but fluid and effective beat 'em up action set in the world of Metroidvania, with some decision-making with long-term effects involved. As it is, the game would not work on a major system - if this was a console game, I'd probably call it boring and repetitive. As a handheld game, it's just what the doctor ordered. Keep a charger at bay at all times, at the very least don't leave home without it.

Don't mind me, evil symbiotes. Just
swingin' by.

What might come as a bit of a surprise to you and me both, Spider-Man: Web of Shadows isn't that good-looking. Character animation is superb, but the cutscenes, comprised of slideshows, ain't much to look at, and most backgrounds are really dark - I'm surprised the developers didn't give us an option for gamma correction, the correct paths are sometimes really hard to spot - double that since you can't see where you're going on the touch screen map, just the room you're in is highlighted. Enemy design is somewhat boring; at first it seems you never know what to expect since even wild animals are taken over by the Venom symbiote, but after just a couple of levels, you'll realize you've seen at least 80% of the whole enemy cavalcade. The bosses are either stronger versions of those same enemies, or some other generic symbiote victims. It's safe to say that this game wasn't made for observation (like someone would watch you play a DS game anyway...).

The sound continues to impress. Though the music's not very memorable, a full voiceover track on a DS card is quite damn impressive, and it sounds impressive; voiceover stalwarts all over the place, guaranteeing a smooth delivery for a good and unique story which once again pits Spider-Man against my favourite villain - someone say one-dimensional? I think I must feed...

Games with the Spider-Man vs. Venom (as well as Spiderman w/ Venom) set-up have been made for ages and even I've missed a few even though I've reviewed a huge bulk of 'em, so in 2008, a synopsis so simple wouldn't be enough to build up to an exciting start for a game. Web of Shadows looks simple enough; everyone's been taken over by the Venom symbiote, and even though Spidey figures soon enough that even Eddie wouldn't be cruel or stupid enough to infect a whole city with the black plague, he's still on the run and it's up to Spider-Man to catch him and squeeze out some answers as to who's running the show. Characters from both sides of Spider-Man's web-slinging law are doing their parts in the liberation of New York, some to actually protect it and some to save the conquest of the city for themselves.

So the game really can't be explained any further; it's a side-scrolling beat 'em up platformer in the style of Metroidvania. Some exits are locked - or rather sealed by symbiote goo - until you beat up every enemy in the room. Beating bosses grants you hard upgrades, such as lifting strength for both your arms and web, so you can lift up heavy blockades, even from afar, to gain entry to a new area. Collectables such as maximum health upgrades are hidden around the levels. At save points, scattered along in classic Metroidvania fashion - and almost as illogically - you can purchase new moves for both of your suits. Yes, suits... to follow is a series of disappointments, which don't really hurt the game all that much, but through which we come to the realization how stripped the game is from the basic concept (well, the execution of the basic concept apparently sucked on the big boys, so who really cares...?).

Uh... this looks kinda kinky.

Well, first of all, the suits were made to be totally different from each other and the gameplay is supposed to feel completely different depending on which suit you're using, but it's not fundamentally different at all. There are some occasions you need to use the black suit's capabilities besides its higher strength attributes in order to make progress, but in general, you'll be just fine either way. Decision-making is narrowed down to one single instance, and there are no different endings, at its worst it's like an ad for the console game - which, again, flopped, and it was this game that garnered in the critics' favour. Gotta remind you of that every once in a while so you wouldn't misunderstand me here. Finally, the game is very short... which, however, might be just right for this sort of simplicity. Back to the ups again.

The most notable praises are once again aimed at the minimal use of that damn touch screen. You use the touch screen to zoom the map in and out, and after each death to "kickstart" Spidey in a similar fashion as you resurrected your character in Iron Man 2, by directing health orbs floating around the screen towards his nearly lifeless torso. If you succeed, he respawns immediately. To keep the game from becoming too easy, you only have two shots in one combat scene; if you die again in the same spot, you're taken all the way back to the last save point. My verdict on this system? I think it's fair, a good compromise. Well done.

Spider-Man: Web of Shadows has a lot of flaws, but most of them are of the minor variety that aren't there to remind you of their existence at all times, they just pop up from time to time to keep you from thinking that you're playing a perfect game of its kind. Good tempo, the Metroidvania schtick and trying out new moves are things that keep you addicted even if beating up the same blue bastards screen after screen got boring. The game might not be all that special in principle, as I'm disappointed at how it fails to live up to some of the most important expectations brought on by its big brother's ambitious concept, but I'll say it this one last time: what's a good concept worth without good execution? This game certainly has that, and that's the important thing. I'm glad to bid farewell to Spidey with such a quality game.

UPS
+ Minimal use of the touch screen; I really hate that gadget, as you might've figured out
+ Something about Metroidvania that always gets me
+ Increasingly complex, but good controls
+ Tasty upgrades

DOWNS
- Short (to the point, though)
- Lack of different endings and real decision-making
- No truly fundamental differences between the two suits as far as I'm concerned
- Dark backgrounds, bland enemy design

< 8.0 >

REVIEW - Spider-Man: Friend or Foe | DS | 2007

GENRE(S): Action
RELEASED: October 2, 2007
AVAILABLE ON: DS, PSP
DEVELOPER(S): A2M
PUBLISHER(S): Activision

In 2007, Activision deployed three different studios to work on three different versions of a weird idea they had for a new Spider-Man game. While the audience was moderately fresh off Sam Raimi's film trilogy, someone had the idea of placing all of the villains from the films into the same game, a stand-alone story set after the films - which ultimately turned out not to make any sense at all - and have Spider-Man form an uneasy alliance with all of them to bring down one more, MYSTERIOUS supervillain (hmm). The game was a critical bomb; despite some random praises for certain audiovisual values and the unique story's value for the Marvel fan, the game was slaughtered, each and every version of it. The Nintendo DS version has so much going for it - and then it just pisses on itself from several different angles, coldly nulling every decent bit.

Spider-Man & F(r)iends

Green Goblin, Sandman, Venom and Doctor Octopus, plus a few more of Spider-Man's worst enemies go missing and turn up having their minds controlled by a new, anonymous supervillain. If there's one thing a supervillain hates more than a superhero, it's someone else in control of their actions, so as Spider-Man frees his foes one by one, they join Spider-Man in getting to the bottom of this insane plot.

A walk in the park.

The game is described as a "love letter" of sorts, to the fans of Sam Raimi's Spider-Man trilogy, and it's classified as "official movie merchandise". Well, the truth is, the opening cutscene spills the beans: it has NOTHING to do with the films. Green Goblin, Venom, Doc Ock and the New Goblin all died, Sandman redeemed himself, and the rest of the comic book characters and villains who make an appearance in the game never had a passing reference to their credit in the movies. Yeah, sure, some scenes are influenced by the films, but if it's a movie tie-in you're looking for, you're in the wrong place. If it's a good Spider-Man game you're looking for, you're still in the wrong place.

Casting the thought of the game's non-existent bond to the films completely aside, Spider-Man: Friend or Foe starts as if it was one of the greatest Spider-Man games ever made. It looks like a magnificent ensemble game, there are so many characters and this is the first game in a long time besides a standard one-on-one fighting game in which constantly playing as villains actually makes some sense in its own insane way, and where it's cool. The touch screen is almost completely useless during standard gameplay, and I definitely see that as a good thing; it's where you start using the touch screen to "solve puzzles" where the game ultimately squirts a tense shower of urine on your face. Just when I was thinking the graphics were this game's stinkiest part.

At first, even the graphics look awesome. The smooth CGI cutscenes with a full voice track are magnificent accomplishments on the DS, and the game's in full 3D. Well, the CGI cutscenes soon change into much more cartoony stills, it feels like we're suddenly pulled into a whole different game. The colour palette during gameplay is extremely grey - definitely not what you'd expect from a comic book license. In certain levels, the touch screen becomes your primary gameplay screen, while the other screen shows your progress from a different angle. It's a mess, I had to use up one screenshot space for a very early shot to show you what sort of mess, exactly. OK, it's usually quite helpful to see beyond your standard scope, but I could've lived without actually seeing Spider-Man swinging from nowhere. It's bothered me in just about every game, how Spider-Man slings his web to nothingness, but here's it's even more bothersome since you actually SEE that he's swinging from thin air. It's ugly, and distracting.

The controls in general are good. Spider-Man, and whoever he has with him - you can switch characters at any time in the good old Donkey Kong Country fashion - move very fluidly, work great in combat and have a few special attacks in store to keep things as exciting as they can. You can buy more moves for Spider-Man from the "Web Store" in exchange for Spider Tokens scattered along just about everywhere, as well as characters for a free roam mode, and a couple of extra modes. Personally, I don't think you can bear the game that far.

What a mess.

The game is extremely easy, and turns extremely boring and repetitive in a matter of minutes, no matter how diverse the idea itself might be. It's a good idea with shit execution, to put it blunt and exact. Point A to point B, back to point A, back to point B, then on to point C, rescue a couple of folks, beat up some guys, beat up some more guys, beat up a boss, recruit the boss, start the circle anew with just the right amount of variables to realize you're making progress. If the neverending - or well, lengthy as fuck - cycle doesn't turn you off, then you can be sure that your companions' puzzles will. An early example is the _mandatory_ lockpicking system only Black Cat can use. If you hated the lockpicking in an otherwise great game like Oblivion was at one time, check this out. You have only a few seconds to open a lock with ever-increasing amounts of tumblers on the touch screen. The tumblers are supposed to shake and make a noise when you hit the sweet spot, but they do that very randomly. When your precious seconds are up, you have to start all over again. Even trial and error doesn't help here, as the sweet spots are randomized. Probably to give you time to pick up the stylus, the tutorial for the puzzle shows up on EVERY SINGLE retry. It sheds the final light on how poorly designed this game is behind its great concept and fluid controls, and keep in mind, this is only the second level in the game! You still have a long way to go and a lot of dog shit to shovel up. Or you could take the easy way out and just leave this game be - there are a whole lot better games on this subject out there.

Yet, this game could've served as a good template for another one if it wasn't bombed so bad. It has good ideas, really, and a good gameplay feel for a brief while - but like I said, when it comes to execution and delivery, Spider-Man: Friend or Foe is a piece of crap, there's no nice way to put it. Behind the veil of a strong start is a useless game, it's got no place. It has nothing to do with what it was supposed to promote, and even less with the already faintly consistent arc that Activision had going on with the Spider-Man games at the time.

UPS
+ Smooth controls
+ Good concept

DOWNS
- The touch screen "puzzles" ruin everything decent about the game
- The graphics are a mess
- Boring gameplay

< 5.0 >

REVIEW - Spider-Man: Battle for New York | DS | 2006

GENRE(S): Action
RELEASED: November 14, 2006
AVAILABLE ON: DS, GBA
DEVELOPER(S): Torus Games
PUBLISHER(S): Activision

Following the moderate success of Ultimate Spider-Man, Activision followed up with a quick and cheap spiritual sequel called Spider-Man: Battle for New York, which was released exclusively on Nintendo's two portable systems. Reception to the game was lukewarm at best, and it's easy to see why. Spider-Man: Battle for New York repeats Ultimate Spider-Man's winning formula, but repeats it at such a volume you'll have grown tired of the whole damn thing in five minutes.

Spiders 'n Goblins

Scientist Norman Osborn figures out Spider-Man's true identity and how he gained such powers, and creates a radioactive formula dubbed "Oz", which has similar effects. He tests the unstable formula on himself and becomes an insane hulking monster known as the Green Goblin. Spider-Man quickly delivers the rampant Osborn to S.H.I.E.L.D.'s tender loving care, but he easily breaks out of their prison and starts to abduct people for more experiments and to create a goblin army to conquer New York City.

Cheap or not, the game looks amazing.

I ended the last review of Ultimate Spider-Man by stating to have not seen the sense behind making Venom a constantly playable character, if he was to be the final boss. Remember playing as Darth Vader in the beginning of Star Wars: The Force Unleashed? Of course you do. That was just one level, a prologue to the story - completely different, and how cool was it to play as the wickedest villain of them all, just for that one moment? If he had been the playable character in every other level, that would've ruined everything. Just like playing as Venom ruined Ultimate Spider-Man, and just like playing as the Green Goblin, who's the obvious main villain from a certain point onward, ruins Spider-Man: Battle for New York. This time, though, there are a lot more tiny bastards pissing in your cereal than just one inconsistency. There are many things right about this game - but none of those things are new, except for the fact that it's a DS game with minimal (ab)use of the touch screen.

The graphics are still damn good. The game has that same cartoony fluidity to it as its spiritual predecessor, the comic book cutscenes drawn by 20-year Marvel Comics veteran Ron Lim look fantastic, and the environments rotate all the time, smooth as shit. The game also sounds good; the music's merely decent, but the voice actors do fantastic jobs. Once again, no subtitles - "just" a full voice track on a DS game card. It's quite impressive.

It might be sensical to point out at this time that playing as Spider-Man is basically just as fluid as last time around; so, if you're a Marvel fan and a gamer, even an avid one, you shouldn't find this game an utterly lost cause. The Goblin, however, as he's called in-game, is an even bulkier and unenjoyable play than Venom in the last game. There's nothing to serve as a solid substitute for Spider-Man's diversity, and well, all Goblin's missions are essentially about beating guys up anyway, while Spidey's missions are a bit deeper. None the more interesting this time around, though.

I'll save you. I'll just carry you two
meters to the left and you'll be fine, OK?

While it was fun to swing around and save innocents as the friendly neighborhood arachnidude in Ultimate Spider-Man, here it becomes a tedious standard extremely quick. The missions go on for ages repeating themselves, the spider-sense is a bit quirky and misleading to go with that; there are no checkpoints, so if you fail in the end of a mission on any account, be it yours or the misleadings of the spider-sense, you have to do it all over again. The game is also riddled with poor design. The boss fights are essentially generic mashfests and the levels are built just weird, but the Chinatown level with Spidey took the cake. The objective is to save a set number of hostages, and then take care of any remnants of the enemy gang, supposed to be scattered throughout the whole level. I did two or three complete rounds through the highs and lows of the level, and couldn't find the four remaining gang members anywhere. I continued swinging around for maybe ten minutes, thinking the game's glitched, and then suddenly all of those guys appeared out of thin air inside a space I had run through at least five times. I don't know if it was a certain, tiny little spot I had to pass by to trigger the event, but either way, that's crappy design, right there.

For such a cheap quickie with zero advertisement, Spider-Man: Battle for New York is surprisingly decent as the better part of its influences come from a moderately good DS game, but truthfully, from a gamer's strict and honest point of view, it's a failure, a step back, and I would even call it a disappointment.

UPS
+ Great graphics and sound
+ Minimal touch screen wankery
+ Spidey's so fluid

DOWNS
- Goblin's a rock; I don't get why we're forced to play as him in the first place
- Poor general design
- Boring, repetitive missions
- Crappy boss fights
- Spiffy spider-sense

< 6.4 >

REVIEW - Ultimate Spider-Man | DS | 2005

GENRE(S): Action
RELEASED: September 19, 2005
AVAILABLE ON: DS
DEVELOPER(S): Vicarious Visions
PUBLISHER(S): Activision

It's time to return to Spider-Man for a short spell, more specifically take a look into the webslinger's adventures on the Nintendo DS. A year and some months back, I reviewed Ultimate Spider-Man for the Game Boy Advance. You can read the original review here to gather my takes on everything not related to this specific version of the game; audiovisuals, gameplay and such. The DS version was released on the exact same date as the Game Boy Advance version and it was made by the same people, but "port" is the wrong word to use here despite some superficial similarities, since the DS version is quite a different game. And a better one.

Spitting Venom

Peter Parker meets up with his childhood friend Eddie Brock; Peter and Eddie's fathers used to work together on a cure for cancer until they both died in a plane accident. As Spider-Man, Peter breaks into Trask Industries to steal the "cure" - a mysterious, formless black substance - only to get consumed by its dark, parasitic power. Peter manages to escape the parasite, but it finds a new host in the embittered Eddie, and transforms him into the monstrous Spider-Man clone Venom, controlling his mind and forcing him to murder. While Spider-Man is out catching bad guys, Eddie roams the streets trying to cope with his recently split personality.

It's so delightfully cartoony.

That's still the plot, it just plays out a bit differently. First of all, while a few of the levels have the exact same basic design as they did in the Game Boy Advance version, their content is very different and diverse. There are some mild puzzles and several type of hostage/distress situations to solve. In turn, a few of the levels have the same basic idea as they did before, but the design is completely different. For example, Eddie starts his killing spree in a public park instead of the "comfort" of a sewer.

Ultimate Spider-Man looks amazing, it's one of the best-looking DS games I've played thus far. Although the game plays out in clean 2D, the world around you keeps clicking right and left in smooth 3D. One of the screens - depending on which character you're currently playing, as well as your own option which I'll surely get to in just a bit - shows dynamic close-ups of some events in comic book strips. It looks really cool. The cutscenes - also comic book strips - are fully spoken with the voice actors from the animated show reprising their roles, there are even no subtitles at all, which already makes a 2005 Spider-Man game a much more advanced and polished DS game than that pairing of Iron Man games made years later. And that's not the only bit of good news when thinking of those specific games, but let's get to Spider-Man first.

The first level is a thrill ride - it's literally friendly neighborhood Spider-Man doing what he does best: be friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. This level teaches you everything you need to know about Spider-Man, from his basic movement to the very few dips into the usual swamp of the touch screen. There's a touch screen minigame to unlock certain areas, and certain actions which require a lot of force, such as lifting up a car, require you to stroke the screen with the stylus. The time limit for these actions is surprisingly fair, in comparison to a whole lot of hectic action games that force the touch screen upon the player, it feels a lot smoother and passes for a part of the game better than per usual. From the touch screen, you also select in perfect peace which special ability you want as your combo finisher, the touch screen has nothing more to do with those. Once Spidey's special attack meter is full, you can finish up a combo with a simple, devastating, acrobatic manouver. All in all, gameplay's very fluid. But then we hit the same old snag: Venom.

I used to love the hell out of these
opportunities.

The biggest disappointment in the Game Boy Advance version of the license (not the game, but the license) was Venom. As long as you play as Venom, you encounter a weak, slow, stiff blob that heavily contrasts the agility and fluidity of his arch nemesis. If you gave me the simple notion that there's a game where you can play as either Spider-Man or Venom, I'd hardly hesitate. I'm a Venom fan all the way, but these games make me second-guess myself. I never thought I'd say something even remotely like this, but I hate how the game forces you to play as Venom. On top, you're driven to the understanding that you can only use the touch screen to control Venom, which will only make you frustrated even more until you realize that you can just as well use traditional controls, and you can just as well switch the game screen back to the upper one; the game really doesn't give you one hint that you can do that and enjoy all there's to enjoy about playing as Venom. The best part about playing as Venom is eating people - and even that's not a constantly essential trick. Venom sucks in these games.

The point is ultimately lost in the final moments of the game, when Venom is revealed to be the final boss. To me, that just doesn't make any sense. I was expecting some sort of an uneasy alliance between these two, against a third party. It's not the first time we've seen one or more playable characters get it on in the end of the game (or at some other point of a series), but I can't really explain it without going to extreme lengths with the game. It just simply doesn't make sense, and that's final from me.

Half of the game is great Spider-Man entertainment, some of the best we've ever had to enjoy on any portable system, but the other half is a bulky, mostly boring drivel with some mildly fun parts. Well, at least the touch screen controls are perfectly optional, that gets great respect from my end. Would get even more, if they had bothered to include that piece of info in the Venom tutorial.

UPS
+ Great graphics, polished sound
+ Playing as Spider-Man feels awesome, the controls are responsive and fluid

DOWNS
- Advanced touch screen controls; luckily they're optional
- Playing as Venom sucks ass; too bad, since I'm a well-known fan
- The plot starts out strong, but ultimately makes no sense; never cared much for the Ultimate reboot anyway

< 7.8 >

REVIEW - Iron Man 2 | DS | 2010

GENRE(S): Action
RELEASED: April 30, 2010
AVAILABLE ON: DS
DEVELOPER(S): Griptonite Games
PUBLISHER(S): Sega

Like most Marvel Comics movies as I've noticed recently, Iron Man 2 had its first showing on April 24th, but its official premiere on May 7th, 2010. The film was another box office success, having the highest-grossing opening of the year, but most critics were not as pleased with it as they were with its predecessor, although Robert Downey Jr.'s performance as the main character Tony Stark once again won unanimous praise. A week prior to the premiere, three different video games entitled Iron Man 2 - though none of them had anything to do with the movie - were released, and once again it was the Nintendo DS version that got cut at least some slack, while the console games and the PSP game got utterly mangled. Well, it's definitely better than the first one, no doubt about that - hell, it might even be the best Iron Man game there is. That's not saying much beyond anything.

Here comes the War Machine. Yay.

Tony Stark finds that a recent attack on Stark Archives and the attempted theft of JARVIS' back-up files was conducted by the Roxxon Energy Corporation, who are working with the terrorist group A.I.M. to create a new battle armor using Iron Man as a template. Tony and James Rhodes, a.k.a. War Machine, reluctantly team up with S.H.I.E.L.D. to take down the opposing force before they finish their work.

A flight in the park.

I remember next to nothing about the film Iron Man 2. The only time I watched it I'd consumed a few more beers than I probably even realized. I tried to look it up everywhere, with no intention of taking the easy way out and leeching it off the net, for research and atmosphere, but then it turned out beforehand that the game has nothing to do with the movie - that took a weight off my shoulders. Even though it uses the likenesses of the characters on film, it's a stand-alone story set after the movie. That means the arrival of the War Machine - another Marvel superhero named after a hard rock classic - who made his film debut in Iron Man 2. One of the keys to having a better and more comfortable game than the last one is, in fact, War Machine. You see, as War Machine you use the dumbass touch screen controls and targeting system that destroyed the last game - so while he gets the scraps, Iron Man has traditional control. Which makes him the only character I'd ever even think of using to play the game beyond the mandatory tutorial. And even that's not very fun, not for long.

The game looks quite all right all the way to the cutscenes, since having no source material means no movie stills, just DS-quality 3D as fine as it comes. I guess the music would be all right if there were more than two or three tunes - I mean, really? This time, there's no spoken dialogue at all - more of dialogue in general, though. Lots more. In fact, you get cut off every 30 seconds for the longest time into the game, either by JARVIS or your BFF who's following in your shadow each step of the way.

Iron Man 2 differs extremely from the first Iron Man game on the DS. First of all it's essentially a 2D game, which alone perhaps does make playing as War Machine a bit more bearable. That, and the fact that you can actually see the enemies' precise placements on the touch screen as big red dots, you can just tap them without having to hover around as cannon fodder and look for a hot spot with the stylus. However, since I'm a naysayer for the whole damn touch screen, I'll take Tony and his traditional controls instead of playing just one mission as War Machine.

ED-209 makes a cameo. OR, the
character designers have legal
issues on their hands.

When Tony's around, Iron Man 2 is more of a beat 'em up than a shooter, and a big part of it takes place in the air. What makes it even more of a beat 'em up rather than a shooter is the fact that your basic cannon's extremely weak in the beginning of the game, and since you can only permanently upgrade your stuff between missions at Tony's lab, you'll have a lot of time to grow more comfortable with close-range attacks than using your ranged firepower. On each mission you reach several turning points, in which you must simply beat down or shoot up a given amount of enemies to be able to proceed to the next stage. Even outside the confines of these scenes, your only goal is to turn a bunch of robots into a steaming pile of scrap metal. There's nothing more to it - an occasional 2D arcade shooter scenario (those are actually quite cool!), and practically useless collectables here and there, but that's it. That's the idea of the game. It carries on simply like this for way too long - it's not even the shortest game around. But well, since the controls are at least all right, the game might prove itself to the undemanding audience on long road trips.

The way the game handles a case of death is quite interesting. Basically you have unlimited continues, and if and when you respawn, you respawn at the exact spot you died in (or where your suit's power ran out, as the game puts it), but pay attention to the word "if". You see, getting your metal ass handed to you challenges you to a connect-the-dots type of minigame where you need to correctly align the outer rims of the arc reactor (Tony's "heart") with its core in 40 seconds, so the suit's reserve power would activate. If you fail, it's back to the beginning of the mission, and every time you die, the puzzle gets harder. I hated this system at first, but now that I think of it, it's kinda cool. It's like a very fair checkpoint system, but with challenge. It's like you're buying yourself a checkpoint. Props, seriously - I wish there would be more fresh ideas, though I guess I have to face the truth here: exactly how can you diversify an Iron Man game? He might be fun to watch, but not exactly the most interesting choice to star in a Marvel Comics video game, unless they made a good game out of The Avengers (the film series) some day. At least there we'd have a few more interesting characters to choose from if things got too dull, and still Downey's version of Tony Stark to crack a good joke or few. I doubt it'd be fancy, but interesting to try out.

If you're an easy customer, a fan, a sucker for mild handheld entertainment over serious gaming (yeah, I know those kind of people), or all of the above, Iron Man 2 is worth a shot. It gets extremely boring too quick, sounds even more boring right from the start, War Machine is useless, and the dialogue which constantly throws you off the ball is the last nail for me, but the game's not a total and utter failure quite like I expected it to be.

UPS
+ Good graphics
+ The checkpoint system's the kind you'll probably loathe at first, but you've got to admit it's quite clever
+ Decent controls for Iron Man
+ I think old arcade enthusiasts will find the few 2D shoot 'em up scenes quite cool

DOWNS
- "Blah-blah-blah, JARVIS, blah-blabbity-blah"
- Touch screen controls - basically, War Machine
- As fun as it sounds to beat up robots, everything has a limit, and that limit is met a bit too fast...
- ...And, that's all there is to the game; everything extra's just for show
- Just a few tunes, and none the more contextual than last time around

< 6.4 >

REVIEW - Iron Man | DS | 2008

GENRE(S): Action / Shoot 'em up
RELEASED: May 2, 2008
AVAILABLE ON: DS
DEVELOPER(S): Artificial Mind & Movement
PUBLISHER(S): Sega

I don't think anyone ever really thought of making an Iron Man game again after the commercial and critical flop that was the 1996 game Iron Man / X-O Manowar in Heavy Metal - yeah, still a cool title. There was that one low-budget Iron Man game for the Game Boy Advance, but it doesn't really count since it was just another heartless by-product of the Marvel Comics spike created by the overwhelming success of Spider-Man and X-Men, with zero advertising and low gameplay value; I'm surprised they didn't make some sort of game out of everyone on Marvel's roster at that time. Iron Man's international success just exploded upon the arrival of Jon Favreau's 2008 film, starring the already fantastic Robert Downey Jr. in his landmark role. The film was hailed as one of the greatest superhero movies ever made, even noted as one of the best films of 2008 by the American Film Institute. It originally premiered in Australia on April 14th, 2008, and in the United States on May 2nd - that very same day, three different video games were released with Sega as the publisher; one for the PC, PlayStation 2, PSP and Wii, one for PlayStation 3 and the Xbox 360, and finally, one for the Nintendo DS. Surprisingly, the DS version got the most credit out of the three different versions of the license... which wasn't much. The movie's greatness might help you to bear the game... but forget the movie and you've got yourself a mess a bit too close to that last X-Men game for the DS.

Stark don't approve

Billionaire weapons industrialist Tony Stark is kidnapped by terrorists during a demonstration in Afghanistan. What seems to be a random attack against any foreigners turns out a masterplan, as Tony has been targeted on purpose to build a WMD for the terrorist forces. Instead of just following up on threats, Tony starts work on a high-tech battle armor with a fellow hostage, which he then uses to escape the camp. Upon returning home to the United States, Tony ceases weapons development, much to the dismay of his devious business partner, builds a much more advanced version of the suit and begins harvesting terrorism all around the world as a colossal and witty problem solver known as Iron Man.

Well, the first step is making a good
game. The second is quitting with
these damn half-baked stills.

Seriously, how awesome was the movie? I didn't really know a whole lot about Iron Man when I was first heading into it. I hadn't even indulged myself in the monstrosity known as Iron Man / X-O Manowar in Heavy Metal back then (another excuse to utter the name). I had heard it was "quite good", and this was most notably coming from someone who hadn't a clue of Iron Man beforehand and not much love for comic books in general, which just goes to show how easily even non-comic book fans can enjoy the movie. I saw it, and I immediately ranked it among the best superhero flicks ever made, right up there with the best Batman movies. Robert Downey Jr.'s performance as Tony Stark is just off the charts, and he alone is responsible for the salvation of the sequels - I don't know what The Avengers would've been without him, at that. Oh, he does voice the character in the game as well - but even Downey isn't skillful enough to save this heap of common debris.

I guess the graphics are OK, nice 3D for a 2008 DS game, right up 'til horribly outlined movie stills come along to spoil what could've been a breakthrough in cutscene design. The music is of the (very) standard orchestrated fare of superhero games, there are no heavy guitars or even some variations of rock classics to be heard here. The best part about the sound is hearing Robert Downey Jr. speaking Tony's lines, at least some of them - the cutscenes are text-only. Doubled with those horrible stills, no less.

Now the first level doesn't feel all that bad, or the short periods you spend on the ground in general. Sure, the controls are bad, but not bottom-end awful. You use the touch screen for the flamethrower, but at least you can turn around by using standard controls, so you don't necessarily have to aim the flamethrower with that damn poking pad. You can also punch with Y, X, B or A instead of taking the DiScomfortable way out by poking the punch button in the left corner of the screen. After I was done with the first level, I was nearly going to give the game a lot more credit than I thought, at least a lot more than I gave X-Men - The Official Game, which mostly suffered from horrible touch screen gameplay.

Sorry boys, my upgrades aren't ready
for tanks. Come back next level.

But then, all went to hell with a horrible demonstration of poor man's Desert Strike... on the DS. I recently played Desert Strike, which was one of my favourite 16-bit console games in my childhood (I actually owned a copy on the Amiga, though). It looked and felt so cool back then, but in my later years, I've started to wonder what exactly was so cool about it. Probably just the destruction of public places - I've always loved that. Well, there's nothing cool about even doing that in Iron Man, there are no kicks to be had at all. It's just a pointless shoot 'em up where you need to take out a series of targets in the most lame - or alternatively, awkward - fashion, and when you've done enough of that, the circle starts anew in just another scenery. Yet repetition is the least of your worries.

The flight scenes are where the touch screen rears the ugliest of its heads. First of all, the Y, X, B and A buttons don't mean shit anymore. As long as you're using your basic, lame weapon, it works fine, but you won't hold for long with that squirt gun. The more powerful weapons have a cooldown period after each shot, and these ones you need to aim, carefully at that, before shooting them at a target. It's extremely hard to dodge from harm's way by using the standard pad and trying to aim at those targets all the while getting bombarded from every fucking direction. The enemies are quite weak, but pack 'em up and you're in trouble. Even if you do survive, you'll be hurting - Tony's shields will be back up, but your hands might be in need of medical treatment.

The numbers aren't helping Iron Man 2, but I guess I have to head into that game as soon as my playing hands have healed to take another beating, just to get this over with. Perhaps Iron Man wasn't quite the most horrible experience I've had, on the DS or in general as the on-ground gameplay's almost (and relatively) entertaining, but it goes to show that some superheroes just aren't video game material, not even at their potential best.

UPS
+ Robert Downey Jr.
+ Mediocre, yet tolerable gameplay as long as you're on ground (the minority)

DOWNS
- The cutscenes
- Less than mediocre and completely intolerable gameplay as long as you're in the air (the majority)

< 4.5 >

REVIEW - X-Men - The Official Game | DS | 2006

GENRE(S): Action
RELEASED: May 16, 2006
AVAILABLE ON: DS
DEVELOPER(S): Amaze Entertainment
PUBLISHER(S): Activision

Activision had five different developers working on versions of X-Men - The Official Game for seven different systems. While duties for the Game Boy Advance version fell onto the ostensibly experienced WayForward Technologies - who fell a little short of the expectations of the target group - the DS version was handled by Amaze Entertainment, who had extensive experience working on licensed games for kids and young adults alike. Not that they were ever that praised, but at least they had a hunch of what they were doing. Or so we thought - they got a little carried away here.

Touch too much

Lady Deathstrike turns up alive and well, and Wolverine follows her trail to Japan, with Professor X, Iceman and an "old friend" trying to bring him back to the mansion where he's needed. Meanwhile, the Professor contacts Nightcrawler and asks for his help in dealing with an anti-mutant organization which is somehow linked to Wolverine's vendetta.

I smell something else.

X-Men - The Official Game, round 2, does not start with with warm thoughts. Though fragments remain the same, the plot's all different from what I just got accustomed with. It's not such a bad deal otherwise, but I'm getting a little confused as to what's really the gap-filler here. Of course it's the console version, but why drag these handheld games even further down in value by intentionally making them so poetically insignificant? More importantly, I still have some personal issues with the DS, even after witnessing good gameplay and even a couple of truly good if not great games in at least five out of the ten-something experiences I've had thus far (most of which I've not reviewed, how ironic). MOST importantly, the Game Boy Advance game sucked - and mostest importantliest (heh), this game got even worse reviews than the other Nintendo handheld iteration of the game. No, this time the problem isn't the usual one. This is definitely a DS game, made with the DS' capabilities in mind; not a Game Boy Advance game disguised with a second screen. The biggest problem is of the exact opposite kind.

The game looks pretty good - occasionally very rough, but generally decent enough to pass the test. The cutscenes are done in a comic book style, but this time they actually feature drawn versions of the film characters; the splash screens have HD portraits of the actual characters as they appear on film. So in this case the game takes the comfortable middle road. Still no stills from the movies, which in this case is a bigger relief than usual since the game isn't directly based on any of them. The music is also quite good, it mostly lives on the magic of stereo sound though. There you are at the title screen, humming along to the theme song - then you touch the screen as the game tells you to, and it just simply goes to hell.

Long story short, this iteration of the title is a top-down action-"adventure" game. The 40 levels of the game switch between fetchquests, boss fights and just plain ol' action levels in which you need to survive a few scripted waves and then just make your way to the exit, at a very uneven balance and pace. They averagely last from one to five minutes each. Getting through any kind of level with a top score - in other words, collecting these score thingies scattered across the levels, defeating as many enemies as possible, and finally getting through the level within the time limit shown on the upper screen, as well as the rest of your HUD, earns you a rank from one to five, or as the game puts it, "Upgrade Score". Don't believe that shit, you can't upgrade anything in this game. Least of all your very own motivation.

Like in the Game Boy Advance game, you start off as Wolverine and him alone, but the next couple of levels introduce the rest of the playable cast: Iceman, Nightcrawler, and finally, out of the nearly purest blue, Magneto. Having the X-Men's deadly nemesis along for the ride for the first time in a traditional action game is probably the most notable upside to this whole slug... on paper. Nightcrawler's teleportation ability has never worked in a video game and it doesn't start to have any more use here. Magneto works just weird, and it will probably take you a long time to get used to his ability (if you've played "Obi-Wan" in Angry Birds: Star Wars, you know what I mean). I've always thought Iceman was a wuss. That leaves Wolverine, again. Well, he's not a darling to control either. You see, I've often criticized these games for bad controls but this game just takes the cake. They went too far.

Oh shit, the tail gave me away.

Every X-Men has a specialty, of course - just having Wolverine kick all kinds of ass is not possible. You have to switch between the available characters all the time, occasionally at a very rapid pace, by using L. Get this: L is the only button that actually has some use in this game. You use the digital pad to move - yeah, duh, but get THIS: you ALSO use X, Y, B and A to MOVE! It's like a second digital pad, probably designed for the left-handed, 'cause every action - that's your basic attack and very little else - is touch-based. You can just imagine how comfortable it is to control your character with one of the sides of the DS, and constantly poke the small screen with that damn stick - not to forget that you're supposed to pay constant attention where you poke so that your punches will actually do something. It's horrible, I tell you. When I switched to the DS emulator to get screenshots, it didn't get any more comfortable having a controller in the other hand and the mouse in another, and my will to live shattered when I got to the first Nightcrawler level.

I didn't beat the retail game either, 'cause I grew so tired of the awful gameplay around the 17th or 18th level. The generic Game Boy Advance platformer was a dream compared to this.boring, but even more specifically painful wannabe action-adventure. In good news, there's always a light at the end of the tunnel, and the X-Men franchise has now reached it. After seven months of vigorous testing of my patience and endurance, I'm FINALLY heading to the final game of the X-Men branch of the Marvel marathon, and I can you tell you right now that it will end on a slightly more positive note than any of you might've expected.

UPS
+ Looks and sounds like a DS game instead of a superficially enhanced Game Boy Advance game

DOWNS
- Simply awful gameplay... and that's all that it takes

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