RELEASED: 1993 (PC)
AVAILABLE ON: Amiga, GEN, GG, PC, SMS, SNES
DEVELOPER(S): Tiertex, U.S. Gold (Amiga, PC)
PUBLISHER(S): U.S. Gold
Olympic Gold: Barcelona '92 apparently made enough money for the International Olympic Committee to begin licensing official video game merchandise on a standard basis. Back in '93, the next summer games were still a few years away, but the Lillehammer winter games were coming up. A game simply entitled Winter Olympics was released on home computers, and just in time for the Olympics, on choice consoles as well. As an official product of the Lillehammer games, it goes by many names, but if any of this following rant about extremely crappy and tedious gameplay rings a bell, I guarantee it's the same game you cursed at as a kid.
Cold and damp
|I have to say I have no idea what this event is. |
There are no less than four options.
First, I'd like to state my honest opinion on Winter Olympics; they suck. All forms of skiing, alpine skiing, skating... I can't stand that shit! I don't get what's so God damn exciting about any of it. I remember my dad watching biathlon from the TV like it was some of the hottest porn ever - I didn't even get the goal of the event back then, and even if I did, watching it would've bored me to death in two minutes. Ski jumping and ice hockey, now there's a couple of exciting events - the only ones I just might watch if there's nothing else to do.
So, the PC game was quite all right in its boring framework. Something went very wrong when Tiertex ported it over to consoles. "Ported" isn't really the proper word to use here, as not only is the name of the game different, the whole game is quite different. Different, and much worse. Much, much, much worse. Whatever you call this game, it's horrible. Might as well call it "shit".
|I come from the promised land of ski jumping, |
I know my business.
The game has a very similar structure as Olympic Gold; there's a Training Mode, and the main modes - short and long versions of the actual Olympic games. There are ten different events... wait, let's rewind. There are ten events, but honestly, about five different ones. It's not that the game alone is repetitive, Winter Olympics really ARE this repetitive! There's a total of four different variations of alpine skiing, and even in this case, the only difference is known by someone who knows the rules of the actual events - they all play out almost exactly the same. While in the PC version - at least, I don't know about the others - these events were viewed from behind the player character, in this one, you move towards the screen. Just one of the bad ideas in this bad idea of a SNES cartridge.
|Hey. Seriously. What the fuck makes biathlon |
All in all, Winter Olympic Games is a terrible disgrace. It's even more boring than its theme, and an uncontrollable, unforgiving, ugly, utterly unplayable piece of shit. No need to be fancy about this one - try it and see if you can come up with something more constructive. I doubt it.
+ Ski Jump is very remotely entertaining
- It looks as good as it feels, and the 3D graphics are disorienting on top
- The controls are horrible
- Tedious and repetitive events
< 2.5 >